Did you hear about the photographer that always caught people's worst features?
She was a poor-traits artist.
If I had to choose one feature on my face...
A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.
The dispatcher replied, “So... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”
Did you hear that Elon Musk is trying to add Anti-German features to the new Tesla?
He is trying to add Hans free steering.
Whatsapp has changed its feature previously known as ‘marked as read’
Do you feel that r/puns should have a feature where someone posts an image and everyone tries to makes puns about it(the image) in the comment section?
My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.
What geological feature has the deepest sense of humour?
Has anyone heard about the new feature on computers to pander toward the newer generation?
It's called Ctrl-ALT-YEET.
My eyes really are my best feature.
If you took them away, I couldn't even look at myself.
Two domestic abusers, very similar features...
I guess that means it's a feature
My girlfriend just can't resist swimming in those water features outside of Japanese restaurants.
She just loves playing Koi.
I travel around the country giving seminars on the beneficial features of dried grapes.
I’m in the business of raisin awareness.
As a cartographer, I'm used to adding terrain features to maps.
But when it comes to establishing a boundary, that's where I draw the line.
Hello! I thought that maybe some of you lovely punny people might want to support my enamel pin kickstarter as they feature these pun-tastic grumpy woodland animals 😄 I’ll put the link in the comments
Why haven't we seen companies like Subaru with their safety features talk about their models next year having 2020 vision?
Since all model years are released a year early, they have a chance to start talking about it now.
When a bear shops for a new family car, some features are a must-have.
For instance it needs to have adequate cub holders.
How many arrays do you give a software engineer for finishing a feature?
Hip Hip Array! Hip Hip Array! Hip Hip Array!
Detective movies often feature pretzels in them.
They both have a lot of twists.
This feature seems to be working properly.
I was hoping to buy a new car but I was after decent onboard storage so after the salesman specified lots of features about it, I asked "Cargo space?"
He replied "Car no do that, car no fly"
Why won't I ever make a water feature on top of a hill where a lot of baby horses are buried?
My mom taught me to never make fountains out of foal hills
Look at those chiseled features!
Looking for Minecraft-based puns for a server name. Anything to do with mining, blocks, or any feature of Minecraft helps!
A friend of mine started a server recently and we're trying to brainstorm ideas for names for our server. Puns are always the right way to go. As long as it's not taken already and the .com or .org is available, anything is fair game! Thanks in advance. :)
My job is to put dents into new cars to test their safety features.
Needless to say, the job is very depressing.
My wife is expecting in March so in preparation, I have been working on my dad jokes. She was just thinking about whose features will be more dominant when our little one arrives. She then asked me whose genes were stronger.
I said "probably Lee or Levis." I laughed for about 5 minutes.
My dad found a new messaging feature
http://i.imgur.com/BY15Jd0.png
(posted this to /r/funny about a month ago but it got removed)
Whatsapp has changed it’s feature previously known as ‘marked as read’
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