sarchasm
She just loves playing Koi.
I’m in the business of raisin awareness.
He replied "Car no do that, car no fly"
My mom taught me to never make fountains out of foal hills
A friend of mine started a server recently and we're trying to brainstorm ideas for names for our server. Puns are always the right way to go. As long as it's not taken already and the .com or .org is available, anything is fair game! Thanks in advance. :)
- Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
- Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
- Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.
[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition
This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.
The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.
The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.
As a result, I couldn't see DeForest through the trees
I just need a very short pun involving space and dinosaurs to go on the cover of an adventure book im writing for kids.
"A roarsome adventure" is too cliche and I'd like space to be featured somewhere. But there isn't a lot of room.
Thanks for any help, don't worry about them being dumb as a dumb pun could inspire a decent one :)
they say he was hoist by his own Picard...
Hi everybody! I absolutely need to find some puns featured in the headlines of the English newspapers. It would be nice if they referred to current topics such as Boris Johnson or Harry and Meghan. Could anyone help me? I'd appreciate that.
There are rumors of yet another Bill and Ted Sequel following the one in production. Reportedly, it will feature an older, toothless Keanu Reeves who is fighting with his insurance company.
Yeah, the working title: Billin' Ted for Bogus Dentures.
I work at an Aquarium. Our sister site is a Zoo, and when we have quarterly meetings for all staff members, they call the meeting State of the Zoonion.
I am really trying to come up with a comparable name for our Aquarium all-staff meeting that features some good Aquarium/fish humor. Help!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSf00ewCiko&feature=youtu.be&t=180
Includes all the important aspects of a good dad joke:
- Innocent setup by unsuspecting teammate
- Perfect delivery of terrible dad joke
- High five from another shameless dad nearby
- Look of severe disapproval from contest judge who can't believe you just did that in front of your entire country
50 cent featuring nickleback!
(Not original but still one of my favorite jokes)
Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.
My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"
The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.
I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"
I was walking past a bookstore with my father in law today. He looked in the window and saw a display of books that featured Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. My FIL said, "I tried reading Invisible Man years ago and I don't know, I just couldn't... I didn't really..." He struggled for words.
"You couldn't see the point?" I prompted with a grin.
He continued on for a moment till he saw me wagging my eyebrows and it hit him. I feel like I made him proud.
One of the funniest school puns; science puns
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.
Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your “style.”
I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: “Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.” “Are you sure?”
“Ye
... keep reading on reddit ➡Microsoft confirms that there's an issue with their most recent patch: it can corrupt Windows installations. A Microsoft developer by the name of Benedict [Last name withheld due to reddit rules] admitted that the code he wrote was faulty and could lead to corruption of some system files. However, Microsoft still recommends downloading the patch, since these cases are rare, and a tool that repairs affected installations will be available by tomorrow, and can easily be downloaded, since the faulty patch doesn't break any Internet features. Microsoft estimates that only 0.002% of Windows installations will be affected, and that on all other PCs, the patch does fix the bug it addresses. Although some sources on the net claim otherwise, Microsoft states that...
Benedict's Blunder Patch is low-key.
I have read that puns are not a feature of German humour...
So are German Dad's humourless? I doubt it.
Some examples of German (or any other non-English) Dad jokes please!
Yesterday, my wife and I were talking about what features our two month old got from each of us.
Her: I think she has my features over your bone structure
Me: That makes sense; it was my bone structure that made her.
I got a groan and a "I am putting that on the internet" from her.
So we were in glenwood springs and went into the caves. It seemed like a really normal tour and just as we're about to exit, the guide tells us to put our ears on the wall of the cave. We all did assuming it was some cool feature of the cave. The guide asks us what we think we're listening to. Some reply water and others reply erosion. The guide tells us we're wrong and all we're doing is listening to hard rock.
My parents were visiting me, and my mom's been looking at a new vehicle, specifically a Toyota Rav4. As she's not the most tech-savvy, she got one of the paper brochures from the dealership about the features available.
Being marketing literature for a small SUV, there were plenty of pictures of people running, hiking, and being active. My dad looks at it and goes: "so is this the Toyota for runners?" I immediately said "No, that's probably the Toyota 4runner".
My mom cracked up. My dad just groaned.
My girlfriend was going to order the White Beet Soup, and I asked if it came with a side of M&Ms.
Her: "why would it come with M&Ms?"
Me: "well I thought Eminem would be prominently featured in something filled with white beats."
The question was something like: "What was the name of the soap opera that featured an episode about a woman who had breast cancer and had to get a mastectomy?"
His answer: "The Young and the Breastless"
Still a classic dad joke.
My dad was telling me all the fancy features and telling me how efficient it is compared to our old gas furnace.
Me: Well it sounds like we are going to saving a bunch of money on our heating bill! That's awesome.
Dad: yeah it's super efficient. So I'm pretty pumped!
Me: -_-
Dad: shit eating grin and a good chuckle
Me: god dammit dad
We were wondering what the most advanced calculator was that we can still use in exams.
Our teacher showed us a calculator with a lot of advanced features (e.g. differentiation, integration, matrices) and said "You're allowed to use ones like these but I don't think you can have graphing calculators."
To which I said "So that's where they draw the line."
We're sitting near the entrance of the restaurant when another couple walks in and gets seated. They didn't close the door all the way, and an unpleasant breeze started rolling in. My SO got up and closed the door. As he does down, we have this exchange:
>Me: Thanks, I appreciate it.
>SO: Yeah, nobody likes a draft.
>Me: Well, nobody except the general.
He got silent and I could see the pain in his features.
At a local indian food buffet. We've been there a few times, but today the food is a little better. I compliment the food to the waiter and he tells me they're trying new things and aside from a few main dishes, every day will be different. He's really pushing us to come back the next day because the next day will feature lots of goat dishes. As soon as he leaves, i tell everyone.
"You know what really gets my goat? A guy who wants me to get his goat."
BONUS: They were out of bread and when I asked why I didn't bring anyback to the table, I said there was NAAN.
I ran a local Tough Mudder-like race in September (called Boldr Dash) which featured many obstacles over a four mile course. One of the obstacles was a huge ladder made out of tires that we had to climb up and over. While waiting my turn to climb it, I turned to the line and said "I hope nobody's TIRED!"
The combination of fatigue and disgust at my joke was everyone's reaction. A group groan, it was beautiful!
