My wife beamed at me and said, β€œI had no idea our son would go that far!” Tearing up, I stammered, β€œI know!"

"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A couple of days ago, the government was overthrown by the military. Today, i moved my henhouse far away

When my wife asked me why i did it, i told her we were experiencing a coop detached

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/123Spaghetti321
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Seven Year Old Hit Me With His Best So Far

Driving home after a long week and had been driving for five hours or so on two lane roads through NM and AZ. Hour south of Petrified Forest and see four sheep on the side of the road.

Me: Son see those sheep? There must be a break in the fence and they are wandering away from their ranch.

Son: Well, that sounds baaaad.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrodyTuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...

Mo-roccan.

This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sneakymooseattack
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
If a cat tries to jump too far, they tend to pay a price.

It's the fee line.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealZy
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are making some artwork in the name of our favourite Bon Jovi song. So far we have the words "Livin' on".

We're half way there.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œHey, how much wood have you chopped so far?”

β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.

This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxyCamoCat738
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Wow never thought I'd get this far
πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zagmut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Best dad joke I've heard today.. so far

Me: "Are you free tomorrow?"

Dad: "No, I'm 5 bucks tomorrow."

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Everybody knows about Murphy’s Law, but far fewer people are aware of Cole’s Law

It’s finely shredded cabbage in mayonnaise.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tru-Queer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did this painting for my friend (far right) who is a huge Pittsburgh steelers fan. His favorite player is Troy Polamalu... And he likes puns. That's me in the middle.l in my favorite jumper. Thoughts??? reddit.com/gallery/kkbp9y
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smike1981
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My addiction to refrigerated poultry has gone too far

I'm quitting cold turkey

πŸ‘︎ 598
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hugh_McMan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an apple that falls far from the tree?

An outcider...

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.

I couldn’t fathom it.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I once asked a Frenchman how far it was to the capital city of Malawi.

He replied 'Le long way'.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Happy Ho.idays to friends and .oved ones c.ose and far. B.essings to you and yours this Yu.e season.

(This is my No-L greeting.)

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDuJour
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
making it this far has been no small feet
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/antifool
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Showtime has far too many commercials on their channel.

It’s just Shameless plug after Shameless plug.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Balbright
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Twitter has gone too far! Now they're banning Mario for threatening the President.

Evidently he found out that Trump was in Peach twice.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jodyleblanc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
As far as baby chickens are concerned...

Talk is cheep

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My Mum can go far

But my Dad can go father

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LashGips
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Far Cough

Had to visit a mall today. As I was standing on the escalator, someone coughed behind me. I turned around and noticed he was very near. We all know if you need to cough, you must cough far away. So I told him to FAR COUGH. And that’s how the fight started

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlyWooden
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What comes to your door and helps you see far?

Knockulars

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Of course, french fries are far too posh for us, we only do chips!
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Talking with my brother: β€œHey remember when we would see how far we could jump off the staircase?”

β€œThat just sounds like leaping off ledges with extra steps”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ovrlymm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
People can take a dark joke too far...

...but a dad joke is farther!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dantr1x
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My favorite so far

What did James Bond do before bed

He went under cover

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwnSpecialist8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Has science gone too far?

Maybe, I can barely see it from here.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAmazingSoSo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Alright now this is too far
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gigavern
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
In far future, in a robot-only disco, one of the dancers suddenly shuts down.

The doctor arrives and after a quick inspection he calms the crowd:

β€œDon’t worry, he just got disco-nnected.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/That-Grim-Reaper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Who’s the best basketball player in a galaxy far far away?

Obi wan Kobe

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sid-16
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m proud of my son, I never thought he’d go so far

The catapult worked well

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!

Because he is the supreme ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend was concerned his children weren't getting very far...

...which is why we built the larger trebuchet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
So far I've memorized seven pages of this dictionary;

I've learned next to nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A geology/geography/aerodynamics study that a sandstorm in Africa can blow sand and dust as far as to even Florida

So anyways, I dust the grains down from africa

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
In a galaxy far far away

A rebel pilot and an imperial pilot had a race around the deathstar to see who had the faster ship. It was a tie!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spbslinky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
This is by far the best pun of the day , the journalist really drove the message home!
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_SOTS
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report
In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.

After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...

"You reap what you saw".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiSatthar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The impact the aeroplane’s invention has made has been far-reaching
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/listeningSaint
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm pretty far on the left politically but I'm not involved in any activism

I'm passive progressive

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sycliantableigit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife beamed at me with pride and said "Wow, I never thought our son would go that far!"

I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife looked at me beaming with pride and said, β€œWow! I never thought our son could go so far!”

I said, β€œI know. This trebuchet is amazing. Go get our daughter.”

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: I had no idea our daughter would go this far.

My husband: I know, this trebuchet is amazing. Let's get our son!

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SatanicalBitch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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