Earned Puns

Income-plete.

His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?

He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.

His father congratulated him. And then he said “That’s good son, maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!”

Ehh, I cannot buy that for a second.

That's my two cents

A penny saved, is actually about 1.25 pennies, once you account for Income Tax.

[my dad works for the Canadian tax department (IRS) and he used to always say that when I was a kid. He thought he was very funny. I'm now starting to see the wisdom in that statement.

In their 401-Kave!

^______^

"What's with the third degree?"

I was doing a maternity shoot for a nice family expecting their second. The dad is a pharmacist. I told him that I was never very good at chemistry, but one time I read a book about helium and I could NOT put it down.

I suggested the male owl was trying to mate with the female. My friend said no, they were probably married and it was a domestic dispute. Our professor said, "maybe someone forgot to pay their owlimony."

I went to a diner called Mo's Egg House to grab some breakfast with some friends. We ended up ordering two eggs benedicts and two eggs florentine.

The waitress said "Wow, you guys are easy." To which I replied "overeasy."

Everyone hates me now. I love it.

I told my son that I gathered all of my watches and carefully stitched them together to make a belt. He said, "Really?". I replied, "Yeah, it turned out to be a complete waist of time." My wife groaned from the next room over.

I was visibly tired and struggling to even get through the menu when I asked for his suggestion.

Waiter: "Might I suggest the Filet Migyawn"

I returned with an immediate fist bump and thanked him for his masterpiece.

My professor and I were emailing about the final project I had recently submitted when I decided to take the time to thank her for being so helpful. Professors that make classes easier to understand and add a little humor to their lectures deserve all the praise in the world, and mine was no exception to that. This was also my first class that wasn't a general education course, starting me on an MIS degree.

I emailed her saying something along the lines of,

"Thanks for being so helpful throughout the semester, this was my first MIS class and you really gave me the confidence I needed in knowing I was doing it right."

I followed with "Thanks for making this class so interesting, I will be transferring to (insert new college here) to continue earning my MIS degree. I think it's safe to say you influenced my decision to a certain degree. Hah! Certain degree, get it?"

She called me over after next lecture to tell me how bad my pun was while groaning and chuckling. No regrets.

Went to McDonald's with some fellow students after TAFE was finished for the day (for those who don't know what TAFE is, I guess the most similar thing would be community college?), and somehow one of the girls ended getting crumbs on her hat: "How did they get there?!" "I guess it's just a crummy hat."

We were talking about movies and prom and I said "well there's always gonna be 'prostitutes of the carrabean'" and his response was "starring Johnny deep"

Wife: So we're going on a hike today, but we need to be careful because there's a bridge out on the way.

Son: But how are we going to get past it?

Wife: We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.