Why did the scandinavian runner leave the race early?

He couldn't finnish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swanky_wanker69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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Why did the sponge wake up early?

To get the moist out of the day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bakevaren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Why did bicycle go to bed early? Because it was two-tired
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matisqo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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I HATE HOW FUNERALS ARE ALWAYS AT 9AM

I'm not really a mourning person πŸ˜”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AboutKemosabe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Why do police get to riots early?

To beat the crowd

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1Pootato
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Early realisation
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyledreeling10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no.

Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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When I went to university in the early 80's I decided to do my thesis on procrastination.

I guess I should really get around to starting it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparkei1ca
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Because dawn is tough on Greece.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/westtxfun
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I learned lock-picking at an early age

It has opened many doors for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iomstmstdom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Why did a pirate drop out of school early?

he had seven c's

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πŸ‘€︎ u/artfillin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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I had to leave the Neanderthal comedy club early

The humor was too lowbrow

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Why did the riot cop leave for work early?

To beat the crowd.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisrus65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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I got to open a present early. It was anti-gloating cream

I can't wait to rub it in

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quantum_waffles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Why do riot police arrive early to the protests?

... so they can beat the crowds!

Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Row199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Australians are at it nice and early
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Why are people in Moscow always so early to meetings?

Because they're Russian to them!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I just read that times were real tough for musicians in the early 17th century...

They were all Baroque

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qwopcircles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Did you hear that the latest north pole expedition was ended two weeks early?

They got there ok but then things went south.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpleFlame8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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do you know why police like to arrive early at riots?

They like to beat the crowd!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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how do we know early man was nomadic?

they were meander-thals. came up with it at work today. full disclosure: not a dad, but i'll be an uncle soon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steve0suprem0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Why do the police show up early to peaceful protest?

They like to beat the crowds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigbackclock69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.

I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Why do the Hong Kong police wake up early?

To beat the crowd.

Edit: All credit goes to u/AleoMoorea, who posted it here.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMasonX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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I just wish, that I had made early investments in hand sanitizer, on the Stock Markets..

.. Somebody, somewhere, is rubbing their hands together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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8yo nephew's an early bloomer. Gets home, tells his dad, "There was a kidnaping at school today." Dad: "What!?!" 8yo, dead serious, -

"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NemoKozeba
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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While on my early morning walk I came across a man look very sad

I stopped and asked him what the matter was, he told me his dog had died. I gave my sympathies and offered to get him another one, he just looks at me and says "sure what would I do with two dead dogs".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sinkingfish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Early scientists would watch the world spin for 24 hours...

Then they got bored and called it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiteRdr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Why do chickens always get fired from jobs?

They always cluck out too early

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wisetvman2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the doctor leave early ?

Cause he had no patience

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geniocervaus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaggysnack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"

Inmate: It’s bec..

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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In the early 1900's, a number of protests arose because of employment of children in coal mines.

I suppose you could say the owners had a minor minor miner problem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poison_us
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaggysnack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the sponge wake up early?

To get the moist out of the day.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bakevaren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Why do the people of Athens not wake up early?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheezzlez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Why don't people in Athens get up early?

Because dawn is tough on Greece

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Why do people in Athens hate getting up early ?

Because dawn is tough on Greece

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do the police show up early to the riots?

To beat the crowd

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Gus3114
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
People in Athens hate getting up early

Because Dawn is tough on Greece

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/you_buy_this_shit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the riot police get up so early?

To beat the crowd.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danuser8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece.

πŸ‘︎ 195
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Knightstar76
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the riot police get up so early?

...To beat the crowds

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unsettled_Beef121
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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