Eating on a cruise with my gf...

A bunch of kids were in the dining hall at the windows yelling about dolphins outside the ship, they were super excited; it's all they talked about and all they did.

I looked at my gf and said, "you'd think these kids' lives lacked any porpoise..."

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📅︎ Sep 16 2018
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Got the girlfriend good. Am I ready to become a dad?

So we were eating at our campus dining hall, and my girlfriend says "here, do you want this chicken? It tastes like egg"

"Well, to be fair..."

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👤︎ u/omgshoed
📅︎ Mar 13 2016
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I'm a bit of a picky eater...

...so a 'salad' for me consists of purely lettuce, and nothing else. Whenever I eat it in my school's dining hall, I get funny looks from my friends. Thankfully, my dad taught me this one to help.
So, I tell my friends that my salad is a 'Honeymoon Salad'. When they ask what that is, I respond 'Lettuce Alone'.

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📅︎ Dec 25 2015
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butter pun than yours

I saw a girl trying to spread butter on a bagel with a plastic spatula earlier today in my dining hall. She was struggling a little bit, so I leaned over and told her that if she just used a metal knife, she'd be able to spread that butter

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👤︎ u/fingernail
📅︎ Feb 04 2011
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My friend made a dad joke yesterday...

I had wrapped up a sandwich from the dining hall and put it in my winter hat so I could sneakily carry it out...so when we got back to my room, I took the sandwich out and there was lettuce in my hat.

My friend says, "I guess you could call it a head of lettuce"

Groan...

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📅︎ Dec 15 2013
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