I had a cop draw a gun on me once
He just pulled out a sharpie and started drawing all over me. I could not for the life of me figure out why, but it was very unprofessional
Cop: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Our neighbour's 6 year old son was sleeping in their house, I've seen it and called the Cops right away
What do they call cops in Indiana ?
An undercover cop visits a doctors surgery...
...he pretends to be a patient and when the doctor it's him down he says:
DR: how can I help?
Cop: Well I'm actually here because you're in trouble
DR: Don't worry sir, most men your age suffer urine trouble!
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait! I can explain everything.
A cop stopped me and demanded i get out of the car. "You're staggering" he said.
"Well thank you. You're not so bad yourself."
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....
“Officer, the sign clearly says to ‘pet area.’”
I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops.
He must be in some extreme mist group.
What do you call a little person psychic on the run from the cops?
The Captain of our flight called the cops when he saw a film crew
He heard they were there to shoot a pilot
What do cops do when handed a cold case?
They work on it undercover.
What did the cop say after opening Jeff Dahmer's refrigerator ?
"He really had a cool head."
I was driving through Quebec, and a cop suddenly pulled me over eating fries and gravy.
It was a poutine traffic stop.
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
Why did the riot cop leave for work early?
A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops.
He must be part of some extreme mist group.
I told the cop, “You can’t give me a ticket. I’m running a marathon tomorrow.”
The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”
Owl to cop: “I’d like to report an incident..”
Cop: Giggling “Do you know HOO dunnit?”
Owl: “Sir, eight people were murdered”
Cop: O_O
My friend got pulled over and the cop drew his gun on him!
Luckily the ink washed off after a couple days
Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?
It was charged with battery
I was going on an illegal half marathon yesterday and the cops caught me.
Why did the ear of corn call the cops?
Me: I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where’s my present?!
What bird a cop can arrest?
I'm going to be such a good cop
My Daughter Fell Asleep in the Car And Someone Called the Cops
They told the cops that they had just witnessed a kid napping.
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said “ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said
A cop ran into a drunk driver and asks the question “How high are you?”
The drunk driver responds: “No, its ‘Hi, how are you?’”
One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said “do you have a police record, sir?” I said:
You hear about the cop who got busted for driving while intoxicated?
He thought he was supposed to protect and swerve.
Guy gets pulled over for running a stop sign. He says to the cop “give me a break man, I slowed down.” The cop starts beating on the guy and says...
“So... do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?”
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
Wtf??? My dogs don't even own bikes
I saw a cop zap a criminal with a Taser, but then shocked him again when he was already on the ground...
The first one was probably justified, the the second one was just re-volting.
Cop to me: I clocked your friend at over 80 MPH
Me to cop: You're lying! Nobody can punch that fast
What did Avril Lavigne say when her escort ended up being an undercover cop?
All this time you were pretending? So much for my happy ending.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul truck...
How does a cop season their food?
With assault and pepper spray!
What did the cop turned invigilator say during an exam?
What do you call a lady cop?
Cop: whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait. I can explain everything!
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