Convicted Puns

A list of puns related to "Convicted"

my wife and I found out that our boy was convicted of burning down houses

no matter what he's still arson

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👤︎ u/Ax3-_-
📅︎ Nov 03 2020
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4 prisoners are telling each other what they were convicted for

The First man says: I committed 2nd degree murder

The Second says: I committed: 1st degree assault

The Third says: I committed 1st degree possession of drugs

The Fourth man simply says: Arson

The Second man asks him: What degree was it?

The Fourth man responds: I'm not sure, it was pretty hot though. About 525 Celsius-ish

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👤︎ u/InsectNation1
📅︎ Nov 29 2020
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I was convicted for stealing a calendar.

I was given 12 months.

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👤︎ u/BrainSpy
📅︎ Dec 07 2020
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I wrote a book about how convicted felons can use fiction writing to work through their experiences and achieve better rehabilitation outcomes.

It's called, "Prose and Cons".

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👤︎ u/arrenlex
📅︎ Dec 01 2020
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Where did they send the physicist who was convicted of terrorism?

Quantumamo Bay.

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👤︎ u/keel_zuckerberg
📅︎ Nov 29 2020
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Dr Seuss was recently convicted for shoving a man on to a mountain of corn, and stomping him to death, then shooting him twice, all while wearing women’s clothes.

sadly this is the 3rd case this week of a pop pop crop-top crop top pop hop

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👤︎ u/Routine_Palpitation
📅︎ Feb 23 2020
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I was convicted of feloniously inept dancing, and the probation officer said I was a high risk for recidivism.

But then I did the hokey-pokey, and I turned myself around.

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👤︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
📅︎ Mar 23 2020
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What do you call a convicted violet offender?

A perp hole.

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👤︎ u/Bjornulf17
📅︎ Dec 01 2019
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Did you hear about the math teacher who was wrongly convicted?

It just didn’t add up.

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👤︎ u/Glaserbeam
📅︎ Jan 20 2019
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So, a sidewalk was convicted of murder the other day.

The prosecutor was sure that he had concrete evidence of the crime.

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👤︎ u/QuippGamer
📅︎ Jun 25 2019
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Why don't torrenters ever get convicted?

Because they're generous seeders, and they have to be tried by a jury of their peers.

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👤︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
📅︎ Jan 08 2019
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What do you call a Fish convicted of Murder? GILL-ty
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👤︎ u/JemCrew
📅︎ Sep 10 2017
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Why was the train sent to the insane asylum after being convicted of first degree murder?

He had a LOCO MOTIVE

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👤︎ u/DDevil37
📅︎ Oct 09 2018
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I watched a stand-up routine by a convicted murderer.

The jokes were dead-on, really a killer performance.

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👤︎ u/mkaic
📅︎ Feb 10 2019
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Did you hear about the English teacher that was rightfully convicted?

He got the full sentence

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👤︎ u/Glaserbeam
📅︎ Mar 01 2019
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Why would a person in a painting be convicted for a crime that he didn't commit?

Because he was framed.

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👤︎ u/FurriesRGay14
📅︎ Nov 03 2018
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Did you hear about the car rental business that was just convicted of a crime?

It was a criminal Enterprise

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👤︎ u/MisterThog
📅︎ Sep 28 2018
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A man was convicted of murdering another man, he said; “Its not my fault,

Han shot first.”

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👤︎ u/SapphireLycanrock
📅︎ Nov 24 2018
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What do you call a convicted felon who just jumped from an airplane?

Condescending

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👤︎ u/PapaSprocket
📅︎ Jun 17 2018
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Did you hear the joke about the convicted criminal ?

It's a killer.

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👤︎ u/Arklaw
📅︎ Aug 25 2018
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Breaking News: Light convicted destructive interference.

Sentenced to life in prism.

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👤︎ u/ryzikx
📅︎ May 01 2017
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Why was the cow convicted of first degree murder instead of manslaughter? imgur.com/TTZTb7g
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👤︎ u/Cappop
📅︎ May 29 2015
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Where do you go if convicted but given a light sentence?

Prism

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👤︎ u/fartifact
📅︎ Nov 18 2015
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What's a convicted criminal called who plays with other people's emotions?

An emoticon.

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👤︎ u/turcois
📅︎ Sep 06 2015
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What does the Hamburglar get convicted of?

Patty theft.

(Disclaimer: Stolen from Pete Holmes, but he's the daddiest non-dad on TV)

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👤︎ u/Lying_Dutchman
📅︎ Mar 17 2014
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Did you hear about the math teacher that was wrongfully convicted?

It just didn’t add up...

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👤︎ u/Glaserbeam
📅︎ Mar 01 2019
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