Hey Dad, you wanna come to Yoga class with me?
Dad: Namaste home instead
I was told to come up with a pun about my surroundings...
I was sitting down, so all the puns I thought of were chairrible
I come up with a really lame two word gay joke the other day that i was afraid my gay mate might find offensive
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
I know Reddit has servers that all of our jokes are stored in, but I’ve come up with a better solution
I tried to come up with a new name for vanishing cream.
But it just resulted in Dissap-ointment.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs
Will the Coronavirus shot come with a wedge of lime?
I can't believe chickens haven't come up with a new sound yet
Maybe they should start thinking outside the bawks
I'm trying to come up with a good tree pun
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
I was hired to come up with a slogan for 2020 that is just as catchy as Click It or Ticket
I chose Mask It or Casket
What’s the best pun you can come up with the word “pelican” ?
With great potential come great opportunities
My friend just hired a limo for $1000 but it didn't come with a driver.
Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it!
Two French IT guys have come up with a new system to share files electronically.
It’s a Pierre to Pierre network.
A ‘divine’ healer in his ‘miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."
With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
With great power comes...
...a lot of work over a short time.
Probably not Watt you expected, right? I currently currently feel a little resistance to this joke.
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
This is as close as I could get.
I've been trying to come up with a clever name for an amputee support group.
With great power comes...
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
The newest Tesla doesn’t come with that new car smell
It comes with an Elon Musk
(Saw something similar on r/memes and decided it was better fit here)
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
When I promise to come up with an organ transplant pun.
Google is set to come out with a new browser that manages search results based solely on your DNA
Set to be called the Google Chromosome.
Nurse: A patient named Stephen has come into the hospital with acidosis (meaning their blood has become too acidic)
Doctor: Stephen with a "ph"?
Nurse: Yes, a low one.
Ever have your kid come up with a better punchline than your original?
I went to ask my daughter:
Where do you park when you visit the moon?
(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)
But straight faced she replies:
Anywhere you can find space.
Then she grinned... (she knew what she was doing)... space dad. get it? in space....
Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.
What's the only root veggie that comes with a warning?
Me: Dude! Come with me to the storage! I organized all the philosophy theses into plastic boxes with hanging files!
Unimpressed Friend: So, Crates...
I was wondering if this group could help me come up with puns for my husbands promotion watch. It’s an omega speedmaster. He loves puns and I am truest bad at them.
I bought some dandruff treatment, but it did not come with instructions.
It left me scratching my head.
My name is Jay and we are an Icelandish family. My wife and I could never come up with a name for our son.
Can someone come up with a pun for the name Candace?
I don't wanna go with 'Candace get any better', since she probably heard that a thousand times already. Thanks!
I called my friend to tell him about my big promotion and how it comes with a lot of new responsibilities now that I'm running the business. He asked what my new job was and how I was holding up.
I told him "I'm generally managing"
How did the French come up with the word for egg?
Someone accidentally dropped one!
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
Chicken wanted to come up with a new sound
Decided it was time to think outside the Bawks.
A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"
" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.
I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.
Can you guys help me come up with puns with the name Elle?
My friend just hired a limo for a $1000 but it didn't come with a driver !
Imagine spending all that money and having nothing to chauffeur it
I tried my best to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I could get.
I tried very hard to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I could get.
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
This is as close as I could get.
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing
But this is as close as I could get
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