I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
Not sure if this qualifies as dad joke, but anyways here I go: I had to strongly disagree with a friend who accused me of being a severe fence-sitter
Then again, I get where he’s coming from.
What do librarians take with them when they go fishing ?
Never go fishing with a dj
They keep dropping the bass
Would you go out on a date with Thor?
I don't know whether Hemsworth it.
Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.
They wanted to live an adventure without equal
My brother used to go with a undercover cop called Ivy.
She turned out to be a plant.
My wife beamed at me with pride and said "Wow, I never thought our son would go that far!"
I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."
What do you call a friend who will even go for a walk with you in the rain to listen to your worries?
A rainbro
(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. You’ll see why)
Walking around the mall with my daughter and we decided to go down a level. She expressed disappointment the elevator was broken,
I told her, " The escalator is just like an elevator but with extra steps."
I wanted to go with my mom when she walked her three dogs after dark.
I used to go out with a girl who used to punch me on my face everytime she had an orgasm
I didn't mind too much, until I found out, she was faking them.
Why do managers never go bowling with their employees?
Because they are afraid of them striking
Why does Cinderella go extra crazy with her spring cleaning?
I used to go fishing with Skrillex ...
but he kept dropping the bass.
When I go camping with my wife I want it to be relaxing...
but it always ends up two in tents
A family vacation is when you go away with people....
....you need to get away from.
Why do Canadian geese go well with mashed potatoes?
Because they make nice gray-V's.
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
If you are offended by my dad jokes, don’t get mad and ask me to go to the artificial excavation filled with water.
Why couldn't the circuit go out with his friends?
I decided to go on a vacation with my family. Almost all the hotel rooms were booked except one
It was our last resort...
Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it it forever
Where do shortened versions of movies go to play with each other?
Where would you go to get maple sushi with poutine dipping sauce?
I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says “you must be single” and I respond with “how did you know?”
She responded, “ because you are ugly!”
I asked my daughter if she wanted to go to the store with me. She said “I’m good.”
With all the personal battles we had to go through last year
I guess we can finally say 2020 won :/
Happy new year people!!
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
My wife to our son, "Go brush your teeth with your sister"
Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".
Did the woman go on a date with the mushroom?
Of course.. After all, he is a Fungi
My 8yo daughter made me proud and came up with this: I don't get why pirates go around on boats...
They should be in the arrrrmy
I feel like if my family and friends were selecting the epitaph for my tombstone they would go with "He meant well."
Especially if my last words were "Help! I fell in the wall!"
A peasant's wife told him to go get milk for the baby. Dutifully, he went to the market with the baby and brought home a hefty jug of milk. "You've forgotten the baby!" she exclaimed.
"No I haven't... I got milk for the baby!"
My dad told me that when he dies, he wants his ashes to be made into fireworks so he can go out with a bang.
My buddy invited me to go fishing with him.
But when he told me the fish were biting I said, “heck no!”
My wife insists that I go with her whenever she shops for igneous rock containing quartz and feldspar.
Sometimes I think she takes me for granite.
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
What do librarians take with them when they go fishing ?
My wife looked at me beaming with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son could go so far!”
I said, “I know. This trebuchet is amazing. Go get our daughter.”
I told my daughter to go to bed because the cows are sleeping. She asked what’s that go to do with anything..
I said it’s because it’s pasture bedtime.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
