I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
My wife beamed at me and said, “I had no idea our son would go that far!” Tearing up, I stammered, “I know!"
"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one
Why did the peanut go to the police?
What do you call it when you go to an amateur dentist?
Dying on the toilet is a shitty way to go
Where does a dog go when it loses its tail?
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Why did the picture go to jail
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
What pronouns did Michael Jackson go by?
I wanted to go to the local aquarium to see the new dolphin show, but when I got there I couldn’t get in.
It was closed for training porpoises.
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
Where did the music notes go to get some fried chicken?
I got let go from the dairy farm.
Apparently I don't work well with udders.
We're all steakholders in these incidents. Corporations need to beef up security or these costs will go over the moon. Criminals can't get used to CEOs chickening out and paying.
theguardian.com/food/2021…
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Why did the snake go to the doctor?
He had a frog in his throat.
how did the fisherman go deaf?
listening to too much heavy-mackerel
I need to eat all my spices before they go bad.
But it’s just thyme consuming
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
Remember to go for more ohms
Not sure if this qualifies as dad joke, but anyways here I go: I had to strongly disagree with a friend who accused me of being a severe fence-sitter
Then again, I get where he’s coming from.
What phase do tall birds go through in their adolescence?
A man and his son go to the optometrist and both have the same prescription but can't afford two sets of glasses.
His solution? "I wear my son's glasses at night..."
What do librarians take with them when they go fishing ?
People ask my secret to a happy marriage. I tell them the trick is my wife and I go out to dinner twice a week.
I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays
Where do female ghosts go for makeovers?
Why can you hear ptarmigans go to the bathroom?
What do you call a party you really don't want to go to?
Where do cats go to have fun
They go to the a(mews)ment park
Why did the king go to the dentist?
What concert costs only 45 cents to go to?
50 cent featuring Nickelback.
I have to go to work at the museum this evening, moving suits of armour around.
Where do fish go on vacation?
Finland!
Courtesy of my 6 year old.
What’s the best time of day to go to the dentist?
Never go fishing with a dj
They keep dropping the bass
A priest, A Baptist minister, and a rabbit go into a red cross to donate blood. The nurse asks "What is your blood type"?
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"
Why do short-tempered doctors always go out of business?
They don't have any patients.
I was going to go work at a herb garden...
...but I didn't have enough thyme
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.
I told my 7 year old daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field."
Puzzled she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?
I chuckled, "Well that means....its pasture bedtime. "
What time did the man go to the dentist?
"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"
"In case they get a hole in one!"
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