Christmas Cracker Puns

Because his mother was a wafer so long.

I need your best/worst cracker jokes for a groanworthy advent calendar I'm making last minute.

Help!

My Dad just walked into the living room with a Christmas cracker hanging out of the zip in his jeans. I gave him a strange look, to which he replied:

"What? I'm fucking crackers!"

Genius.

Son: Dad, there is a man at the door collecting for the new swimming pool.

Dad: Give him a glass of water!

He made Crochet sign a quaver.

(Credit goes to a friend of mine who's been writing Christmas cracker puns)

He’s made a entire career out of Christmas cracker jokes and somehow still makes me laugh.

https://youtu.be/HCn9lkazxjk

Snow balls.

“We don’t serve your kind round here”

“Why knot?” (1)

“You’re always causing friction” (2)

The string leaves the bar, twists himself up, parts his hair and walks back into the bar.

“Ain’t you the same guy who came in a minute ago?”

“I’m a frayed knot.” (3)

Now that’s a Christmas cracker 🙌🎄

Where’s pop corn?

Darkest Christmas cracker joke I’ve seen.

Because he has short legs.

My dad answered every joke like this from the Christmas crackers instantly and laughed at every one.

We're sat down for Christmas dinner and we all pull crackers. My father gets a small set of pocket screwdrivers. I ask 'Are they all flatheads or are they phillips?', to which he replys with the knowing grin 'They're not Phillips, they're mine'.