THE GRAM CRACKER IS A LIE
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What do you call it when you hit a rude teenager with a pack of cracker?
Assaulting a salty teen with saltines
My dad just told me this one- hope you guys liked it π
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Man, weβre almost out of crackers...
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︎ Dec 18 2020
I want to make s'mores, but I'm out of graham crackers...
Good thing I have Instagram
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︎ Oct 17 2020
I just threw away an entire box of animal crackers.
I had to because the seal was broken.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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An absolute cracker
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︎ Oct 30 2019
What do you call a miscellaneous pile of marshmallows, chocolate, and gram-crackers?
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︎ Jun 13 2020
*wife drops phone into container with daughterβs goldfish crackers*
Oh no you dropped your phone in the fish bowl now itβs gunna be all wet
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︎ Apr 27 2020
Goes well with crackers
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︎ Jan 08 2020
What did the cracker say when he checked into a 5 star hotel?
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︎ Mar 29 2020
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︎ May 17 2019
In college my nickname was safe cracker.
Not because I was good at cracking safes but because I was a non-threatening white guy.
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︎ Feb 09 2020
What do you call a fight between two crackers?
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︎ Dec 02 2019
I recently bought my daughter a box of animal crackers.
Going through the box the elephant was ok. The lion was ok. The seal was broken and I had to throw out the box.
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︎ Feb 12 2020
Have you heard about the new crackers you can see but canβt taste or digest?
Yeah... theyβre called HoloGrahams.
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︎ Dec 21 2019
I've been informed we're out of crackers...
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︎ Jan 23 2020
I was making my kid cheese and crackers
And when I handed it to her I said, βBe careful, this cheese is extra sharp.β
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︎ Jan 04 2020
Whenever I need energy I always go for Goldfish crackers
Theyβre loaded with carpohydrates
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︎ Dec 31 2019
My girlfriend was eating some cheese and salami on crackers. She accidentally cut off a very large piece of the Salami. I told her it was a muenster. She just stared at me flatly so I apologized.
I told her I was sorry for such a cheesy joke.
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︎ Aug 30 2019
Only crackers stay at the Ritz
Rich white people/Hotel if you don't get it
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︎ Jan 13 2019
Went to cracker barrel yesterday for lunch with my dad and we got their new signature fried chicken
The waitress gave us our food and he started looking the pieces over really intently. He turned them all over and checked every side.
Waitress: is everything okay sir?
Dad: No i think something's wrong with my chicken. (Looking at the pieces for a second time)
Waitress: I'm sorry, what's wrong?
Dad: I don't think they signed my chicken.
I lost it.
Happy Fathers day weekend!
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︎ Jun 15 2019
Crackers recently became popular again.
They've been a wafer a while.
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︎ Jan 04 2019
What do you call an Egyptian back cracker?
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︎ Nov 22 2018
Did you hear about the new tomato soup and crackers movie starring Tom Cruise?
Itβs called Bisquey Ritzness
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︎ Feb 05 2019
My son took a box of crackers out of the cabinet to get a snack. I told him to put it back with the box top facing out to make it easier next time...
I told him it was a get Ritz quick scheme...
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︎ Jan 14 2019
What joke was in your Christmas cracker? Mine was, "Why did the baby cookie cry?"
Because his mother was a wafer so long.
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︎ Dec 25 2018
Christmas Cracker Jokes NEEDED
I need your best/worst cracker jokes for a groanworthy advent calendar I'm making last minute.
Help!
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︎ Nov 30 2017
White people who use Instagram are Gram Crackers
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︎ Jul 26 2017
@ Dinner- I have cheese but no cracker.....
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︎ Mar 30 2018
I heard that they started making powdered graham crackers. Just add water.
Theyβre calling them insta-grahams.
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︎ Oct 15 2018
Why Did The Cracker Get Arrested?
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︎ Dec 14 2018
What type of cracker can a vegan not eat?
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︎ Apr 25 2018
Just heard this cracker
Son: Are there any more Fish Fingers?
Dad: Yes, they're in the oven.
Son: How long will they be?
Dad: About 4 inches
Son: ΰ² _ΰ²
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︎ Aug 30 2014
One day I was driving while eating goldfish crackers
And as I was driving, I accidentally dropped a cracker into my lap. Without even thinking I said, "Darn it, I knew these were going to go straight to my thighs!"
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︎ Jul 11 2015
Dropped my cracker in a Snack Pack....
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︎ Jul 06 2017
Dad, I think we're out of crackers.
I guess you could say we are crackalacking.
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︎ Apr 22 2017
This cracker was lost on my 2 1/2 year old this morning
Joshua: Daddy, I'm hungry
Me: Nice to meet you Hungry, I'm Austria...
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︎ Feb 07 2014
What's Polly's favorite cracker?
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︎ Sep 23 2017
Stupid crackers! You'll never amount to anything! What are you, anyway? Flour, salt, and what? You're nothing!
When my wife finally asked what I was doing, yelling at a bag of crackers, I explained that the recipe called for 30 crushed crackers.
That happened 2 days ago. By coincidence, we had another recipe for dinner that required crushed crackers, and my wife made sure I understood that it meant physically, not verbally.
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︎ Nov 23 2015
Just now at Cracker Barrel. I don't even have a kid.
Wife ordered a house salad with her meal at cracker barrel, along with her salad came the grossest looking restaurant crackers we've ever seen, package was busted and cracker crumbs were falling out, they looked like they had been soggy at some point.
I say to her "well, as far as crackers go, I'd say those came from the bottom of the Barrel."
she laughed.
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︎ Aug 04 2014
My girlfriend said she lost a pack of crackers.
I said "so you're cracka lacking"
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︎ Aug 03 2014
I threw away a box of animal crackers.
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︎ Mar 04 2020
I have 10 jokes. The first 9 are great, but the last one's an absolute cracker
- Great
- Great
- Great
- Great
- Great
- Great
- Great
- Great
- Great
- An absolute cracker
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︎ Nov 14 2019
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