Cheese And Cracker Puns

And when I handed it to her I said, “Be careful, this cheese is extra sharp.”

I told her I was sorry for such a cheesy joke.

Crackalackin

So my wife is currently working from home and her employer decided to send her a hamper package in the mail. It was quite nice but pretty standard stuff. Wine, some cookies, crackers and also a bottle extra virgin olive oil (came with a cheese platter kit)

Wife was pretty happy about the fancy packaging and showed it to me saying "look they even sent extra virgin olive oil in this little fancy bottle for cheese platters!"

My response? "Aww that poor olive oil bottle never had sex? So sad!"

...Pls send help

My mom and I were in our living room watching TV. My dad was in the kitchen by himself. Suddenly we hear a yell from the kitchen and go running in to see my dad with a bloody paper towel around his finger...

Me: What happened!?

Dad: I cut my finger!

Mom: How!?

Dad: I wanted some cheese and crackers so I reached into the cheese drawer and I cut my hand.

Me: How did the cheese drawer cut your hand?

Dad: It didn't. I sliced it on the block of extra sharp cheddar!

Dad bursts out laughing

He then removed the paper towel to reveal his unharmed finger. He had dyed the paper towel with food coloring.

My dad got sharp white cheddar cheese as a gift.

Dad - Hey Vinnythepooh come try these cheese and crackers.

Me - (stick cheese in my mouth and start chewing) Ouch, oh shoot that hurt.

Dad - What happened?!

Me - That cheese cut me it was so sharp!

Dad - You jackass thats my line!

Me - (proceed laughing hysterically)

I just recently became a dad so I've been practicing my dad jokes.

So I'm over at my cousin's house and her husband hits me with this:

If you have cheese but no crackers, are you crack 'a' lackin'

My wife and mother in law were washing some dishes in the kitchen after a get together. I came in to get a drink and noticed a box of crackers on the counter where they were standing...

Me: What do those crackers do?

Mother in Law: What do you mean?

Me: Just curious to know what those crackers do. That is all.

MiL: Those were for the cheese that i bought. Did you want some more cheese and crackers? I have some left in the fridge.

Wife: Mom. They say "entertainment" crackers.

My wife started to laugh since i got her mom. Mother in law tried to play it off.

Eating some cheddar on crackers over the weekend.

"This cheese is very good! I normally don't buy cheddar, especially the sharp kind." - Mother in law

"Me neither, it always cuts my hands." - Me

"Why would it cut your..." she starts then makes the connection. Got groans and eye rolls from both fiance and mother-in-law.