I told my wife this and then showed her this that I found on a recent trip to Target.
https://imgur.com/gallery/tG3An8G
And this morning I had a huge vowel movement.
Souper size
There are so many M-pastas.
If one goes off it could spell disaster.
A soup can't
When it was done she said "we're all stocked up!"
I’m in for an intense vowel movement later
CANnibalsim
He complains about having stomach problems. The doctor asks, "When was your last vowel movement?"
https://preview.redd.it/tqiswquav7j11.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fceafd9bfc502b4eaecd7968a8a6c5231ebb3fd7
Now he’s a graduated cylinder
"Hooked on phonics worked for me!"
You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup!
my dad: "Well I always assumed they were recyclable." dadjoked.
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.
At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".
Everyone can chop beef but no one can pea soup
Everyone can roast beef, but nobody can pea soup!
What about the glue?
I got stuck on it.
For 6 years i haven't gone to a Sushi restaurant or Asian cuisine with my dad because he would always repeat the same punchline to the waiter/waitress.
"Can I have some miso soup, because miso hungry"
-
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
-
You have to rush Limbaugh!
3.My noodle soup doesn't taste that good. It really laksa certain quality.
4.I know its cheesy, but I feel grate!
- can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
6.How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
7.What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"
8.I CAN because I'm a CANadian!
9.I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
10.Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
11.Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.
12.There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...
AND MY FAVOURITE! 13.I was at the scene of a crime, it took place at a cartoonists house, we couldnt find work though, it was sketchy.
IM STILL WORKING ON #12 Post your favourite/own pun in the comments, this will now be... Puntastic! Also OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! THEY HAVE LAYERS! Chow!
Wife: Can you man the soup while I make the grilled cheese? Me yelling at the soup cans: BE A MAN!!!
The waiter sets it down in front of him, and stands back to watch him enjoy it. But the man just sits there.
“Is there something wrong?” the waiter asks.
“I can’t eat this soup,” the man replies.
“Is it too hot?” the waiter asks. “No.” “Too cold?” “No.” “Too salty?” “No.”
The waiter calls for the maitre d’, and for the chef, and each goes through the same routine: “Too hot?” “Too cold?” “No, no no.”
Finally the chief, at his wits end, says, “Sir, I will taste the soup myself. Where is the spoon?”
Says the old man: “A-ha!”
I was working on the 4th of July. Guy comes in. Orders a burger with a side of French fries. We were out of fries so he decides to order a side soup: French onion. I ring in the order and he goes outside to wait, there were a few other customers out there smoking.
The chef calls the front desk to let me know that we were also out of French onion. It was late at night so this happens occasionally.
I go outside to let him know we were out, so that he can order something else. The other costumers smoking overhear me telling him that "We are out of French onion soup". The guy smoking says "man, you guys are out of French fries too what the heck?"
I chime in "well it is Independence Day."
They all laughed, and the guy ordered the lobster bisk. I high fived myself on the way back to the stand.
Sorry for the lengthy post.
Waitress at luncheonette: what can I get you? Dad: I'll have a soup sandwich on waterproof bread.
Visited my dad tonight: he seemed a little under the weather. I asked what was wrong and he said he was having digestive problems because he'd eaten "Black Bean and Andouille Sausage" soup for lunch.
"The beans I can handle, but the sausage was my andouilling."
Me: "I'll have a wonton soup please." Dad to waitress: " Wonton? That seems pretty heavy you think you can carry that out here? Brother: "And I'll have a wonton also." Dad: "Two tons? Wow."
Now I'm having a huge vowel movement.
A cannibal.
You can roast beef but you can't pee soup.
You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup!
Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup!
I can chop beef, but I can't pee soup!
You can roast beef. You can't pea soup.
Anybody can roast beef, but not everyone can pee soup
Anyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup.
