If you are ever working on being more decisive and find yourself wanting to get a tuba, a trombone, and a round-bottomed dish - but you can only afford two of them and the dish will fit under your shirt - just remember:
Take the bowl, buy the horns .
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
I bought a roll on deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!
I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced “‘twas the knife before Christmas!”
Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,
Does that mean you're under a rest?
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office
It was a twerk place injury
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
Somebody wrote a quote at the bottom of the pool.
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
I finally found it .. Rock Bottom
I purchased a deodorant stick today. Instructions say, "remove cap and push up bottom."
I can hardly walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely. Credit: https://pun.me/pages/dad-jokes.php
I was pulling my trailer over a steep hill and just as I started going downhill the trailer passed me and crashed at the bottom of the hill.
I guess it went down without a hitch
Someone broke into my house last night and stole my limbo trophy
How does Harry Potter like to get to the bottom of a hill? Walking
Apple bottom jeans boots with the purr
I got bored in Online class
Here's how you know you've really hit rock bottom.
When you slap a marble statue on the butt
What do you call a boat at the bottom of the ocean that shivers?
Icarus had a lesser known brother. He wanted to swim to the bottom of the ocean.
Instead of wax, he used paraffin.
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
I recently met with my therapist at the bottom of the ocean.
I just saw a ship builder hit a guy with a structure that runs along the center of a ship's bottom...
He keeled the other fellow just like that!
What did the poor detective say when he fell into the endless pit?
“I’m never going to get to the bottom of this.”
Do you think anyone has ever slapped Dwayne Johnson on the butt and then proclaimed, "well I've hit rock bottom"
Edit: get consent people
"Mr. Rock, may I slap your behind for the sake of an amazing pun that the people will remember for years to come"
I can't believe I've become attracted to statues...
Now I've really hit rock bottom.
There's many ways "werewolf" can be interpreted.
I was going to spend Friday night studying stinging polyps that spend major part of their lifetime attached to rocks at the bottom of the sea, but a couple pals wanted me to go bar hopping...
With friends like that, who needs anemones?
I dont trust stairs
They are always up to something
How did that guy end up at the bottom of the well in prison?
I conducted a study for Steve Jobs regarding the lack of evolution in his employees.
Those are Apple Bottom Genes.
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office
It was a twerk place injury.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
What has a bottom at the top?
What has a bottom at its top?
Whats at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
Wait, if you slap Dwayne Johnson’s butt
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches ?
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