While she's sitting there, she sees a young man who's jogging while eating a popsicle. All of a suddent, he begins to choke on his popsicle. The woman calls out to him, asking if he needs help, but the man quickly stops coughing, and gives her a thumbs up; indicating that he's fine.
About twenty minutes later, the young man passes by her again, now eating a hotdog. Just as before, he begins to choke on his hotdog. The woman calls to him, but again, the man gives her thumbs up, and confirms he's fine.
Another twenty minutes pass, and the young man once again jogs past her, while eating a bag of chips, where he, once again, begins to choke. He again assures the woman that he's fine, but this time, the woman decides enough is enough.
"This is the third time this has happened!" She screams. "Why can't you just sit down to eat?"
The man gives her a smile, and replies. "Because, ma'am, I'm a running gag."
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Attempted murder.
A man comes over and opens his long coat and flashes them!
Two of them had a stroke
The third couldn't reach
First lady says isnt it windy. Second lady says no i think its thursday Third lady says so am i lets have a cup of tea.
Bro Eucalyptus!
So I’m at the house pulling weeds on the sidewalk for him (I’m 39, Hes 63), he comes out and checks on me, brings me water. We talk and I point out to him that there has been 3 military bomber style planes pass over the skyline in the last 10 minutes. And I told him I bet there will be another one. He asked me what kind of plane? I told him I don’t know. A bomber. b52. C130. C7. Like that.
Finally, ten minutes pass and sure enough another passes. I point it out and he says
“Oh that’s a C130”
And I shrug and say “yea well, you C130, you’ve seen them all”
And he repeated it while laughing.
So I’ll keep that in my memories for later.
The watermelon ask the muskmelon, honey dew you want to marry me? The muskmelon replied yes, but we cantaloupe.
Thor muscles
Sometimes 3. It really just depends on what time I get to the gym.
It’s like they just multiply.
Beethoven's Last Movement
It was the least I could do for him
But I just nailed it
Chest nuts roasting in open fire
So, I asked the instructor, "What does this machine do?"
The instructor stared at me, looked at the machine and then looked back at me. He said, "Sir, that's a bench."
I replied, "Perfect."
I've finally got some definition in my arms.
I'm having a hard time getting this off my chest.
He said he’d never heard of such a de-vice.
I was bench pressing and the bar was too heavy
The other couldn’t reach.
Benches in synagogues are pewish
The third one couldn’t, her arms were too short.
She brexit.
He really raised the bar
I asked my coach if he could weigh in on the issue.
So I look intently and say, “Is that fire-ants crawling around on that bench?” It definitely helped them both get up. 😉
He was a-resting!
My son said, "look dad, they're all lovey-dovey!"
Never been more proud!
It was really uplifting.
That's why it's called the bar exam.
British people are so much stronger than us Americans, I can bench 90 pounds, but a british person can carry more than 300 pounds on them at all times
He starts planking
Isn't it windy.
No, it's Thursday.
So am I, let's get a cup of tea.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Attempted murder.
Beethoven’s last movement
I just had to get some things off my chest.
