A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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How do you describe bench-press obsessed army boys insulting each other while they're being shot at?

Chest nuts roasting in open fire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/petertree
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?

Beethoven's Last Movement

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fastballcount
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Two crows land on a park bench.

They were arrested for conspiring to murder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/codenewt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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My wife thought I couldnt repair our garden bench.

But I just nailed it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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I've been bench pressing 10 dictionaries everyday for the past 4 weeks.

I've finally got some definition in my arms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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What do you call two crows sitting on a bench?

Attempted murder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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I got my dad a new tool that helps him remove things he has clamped onto his work bench.

He said he’d never heard of such a de-vice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DowntownCryptid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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It's tough to admit that I'm using too much weight on my bench press.

I'm having a hard time getting this off my chest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?

Beethoven’s last movement

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NouEngland
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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A flasher sees three old ladies on a park bench. He walks up and exposes himself. The first one had a stroke. The second one had a stroke.

The third one couldn’t, her arms were too short.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tupacwolverine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Two elderly women were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. One woman has a stroke.

The other couldn’t reach.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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I was doing the bench press at the gym the other day...

I just had to get some things off my chest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cellomold
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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I saw a guy at the gym bench pressing 280lbs

And thought to myself, "that's too weighty for me"

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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Does this bench on PokΓ©mon Go count?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkOnOrange
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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I just saw a man bench press 2000 lbs.

He really raised the bar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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What happens when a fat woman from Yorkshire sits on a bench?

She brexit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a1phanumeric
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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At the zoo today my wife and daughter were sitting on a bench. My daughter asks me to help her up...

So I look intently and say, β€œIs that fire-ants crawling around on that bench?” It definitely helped them both get up. πŸ˜‰

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texntodd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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I wanted to bench press more.

I asked my coach if he could weigh in on the issue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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I was sitting on a park bench with my 6 year old son, watching the pigeons wooing each other...

My son said, "look dad, they're all lovey-dovey!"

Never been more proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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Law students have to do bench presses in order to become a lawyer.

That's why it's called the bar exam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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I set a personal record for bench press today.

It was really uplifting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devsmi35
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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Why did the Italian police officer aprehend a man sleeping on a park bench?

He was a-resting!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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Three old ladys sitting on a bench

First: Blimey, It's windy

Second: No, It's Thursday

Third: So am I, let's get a cup of tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
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This bench turned into a snowfa. xpost from r/pics
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thoraxbitner
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
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Wifey warned me "Don't use the butter left out on the bench. The kitties got up and were licking it."

"Yeah I don't wanna use that cat-lick butter...

That's worse than that Anglican butter."

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2017
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20 pound bench press 2 plates a side
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calmdownlad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
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Now I know can bench at least one dadjoke

While out walking with the family we saw a bench with a dedication plaque. It read "In Memory of Helen, she walked these meadows with joy". Of course I had no choice but to remark "Why didn't Joy get a bench too?"

Cue involuntary snort of laughter from the wife. Mission accomplished.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chibolamoo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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Did you hear about the guy who vandalized a park bench with a hammer?

It was an act of mallets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/risingpowers
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
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Yesterday I built a bonsai bench

Very motivated. Got up early and worked all day at it.

Carpentry diem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeroJoke
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2015
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Dad: why is there so much sugar on the bench?

Me: sounds like someone was just too sweet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zenocentric
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2015
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