My wife has changed dramatically since becoming a vegan.

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I've worked really hard and only achieved becoming a taxi driver.

I can't believe that's all I have to chauffeur it.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pseudonympholepsy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m thinking about becoming a proctologist who offers advice regarding people’s butts.

Anything I can rectum mend?

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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My friend told me I could make six figures a year by becoming a sculptor

He technically wasn't lying, but I still feel misled.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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Becoming a sushi chef requires a lot of physics.

How else will you learn fission.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quibblicous
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is becoming a dad. While I was on the porcelain throne, she asked me me what I was doing. I replied: scrolling through Reddit.

She added giggling: you will take ages to log off.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DKS13G
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m becoming addicted to the hokey pokey

But I’m turning myself around

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cvzmir
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Anyone here ever read Anthony bourdains biography on becoming a chef?

It’s quite stirring

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/post-ale
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Becoming a rock star…

…might make you feel boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the daughter Anakin had after becoming more machine than man?

Elly Vader

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDianthus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is a snowperson becoming an icon of the LBGTQ+ community?

Because a snow person is fluid

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThamilandryLFY
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My biggest fear about becoming a Zombie....

....is all that walking you have to do.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve considered becoming a professional horse groomer.

It would be a stable job

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/designerd101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

That is all ...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsYoAzz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....

The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I dreamed of becoming a professional fisherman

But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehFuriousKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was thinking of becoming a dog

but it’s giving me pause.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichardRoquefort
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my psychiatrist for an update on my phobia of becoming a wooden pole

She said, I'll keep you posted...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
They're becoming sentient
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
From my 8 year old, on his path to becoming a great dad: "What did the designers of Darth Vader's costume model it on?"

Mannequin Skywalker

πŸ‘︎ 291
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slavejamhour
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I cannot stop eating leftover Thanksgiving. It's becoming a real problem.

I just need to quit cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n3rv0u5
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently pursued my dream career of becoming a very successful plagiarizer.

I tried, but I didn't make it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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I considered becoming a polymer chemist...

...but I thought the work would be too repetitive.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My first Dad joke after becoming a father

Me, to my son, immediately after being born: Congratulations! You're officially the youngest person in the world!

Him: crying

Me: Sorry kid, your 4 seconds of fame are over.

πŸ‘︎ 464
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FridayLightsFTW
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I learned I will assume my final form and will he becoming a dad in December.

Probably name my kid Luke so I can remind him who I am for the rest of eternity.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/macbeezy_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter insists she is becoming a Southern Belle.

I told her she is my favorite ding-dong.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpazMasterK
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A pregnant co-worker walked into the office the other day. I took a look at her baby bump and said β€œit’s becoming apparent that you’re becoming a parent”.

Stay safe everyone and try to keep smiling

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ascott1963
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
So after becoming a father, my dad and I were talking about how we couldn’t believe any man would walk away from his kids. My dad says dead beat isn’t a good enough name so he asks me what they should be called. I said:

A joke, dad.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If a girl thinks long and hard enough about becoming an e-girl, does that make her thotful?
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WickedSamaritan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Feels like a Moray becoming a knight of the realm....

Day 57 of quarantine. We re doing fine so far, but this all feels like a Moray becoming a knight of the realm.

Pretty Sir Eel here.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/urlordcov
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I seriously considered becoming a chiropractor.

But it sounded like back breaking work.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/you_buy_this_shit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm considering becoming a mind reader

What are your thoughts?

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firkit28
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m considering becoming a historian...

...but people keep telling me there’s no future in it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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The three unwritten rules of becoming a dad
πŸ‘︎ 316
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDoodlesworth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m working on becoming a stand up comic.

My issue is that any time I come up with good material, I wear it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
She's becoming quite a head turner
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atom036
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Dorothy overheard everyone saying how she can't sing "Carry on my Wayward Son" in tune and she's becoming a liability...

Looks like she's not in Kansas anymore

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.

Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pparten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
After years of trying I have decided to give up on my life long dream of becoming a world renowned spaghetti chef. It’s time to move on and stop living in ...
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darlosworld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally told my wife about my dreams of becoming a bodybuilder

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the flat earth society becoming more popular?

they got members all around the globe.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A older man was slowly becoming sicker and sicker as time went on....

The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age.

After a few weeks, the man has developed an incredible frequent and annoying cough.
His wife is annoyed and is constantly telling him to go the doctor, but the man kept refusing.

One day during an argument, his wife has had it with his coughing and hacking and tells him "Im making a bet, if this damn coughin kills you i'm writing ' I told you so' on your tombstone!"
The man laughs her off since they both have a twisted sense of humor, and tells her its a deal, if the coughin kills him she can carve that.
The man continues on for another week

One day the man is out going for a walk through his neighborhood, when a freak accident occurs between a truck carrying coffins and a car, which results in a coffin flying off the truck, tragically landing on the old man and kills him.

Later at his funeral, his wife makes a very odd request to have them carve "I told you so" on his headstone.

When the caretaker asks her why she wants to do this, she tells him about their dark humor, and fills him in on the bet they recently made.
The caretaker is touched by the story, and agrees to do it for her, because in the end,

It was that damn coffin that killed him

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsArgon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought about becoming a Gregorian monk

But I never got the chants

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quixxotk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Becoming a handyman. imgur.com/8dimeEU
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mammothman64
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I think about becoming a mallard to do all the evil crazy stuff I can think of.

But that's no way to conduck myself

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysteryOrange7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy from star wars becoming a country star?

His name is gonna be Darth Brooks...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaNGLerR89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife has changed dramatically since becoming a vegan.

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter really changed a lot after becoming a vegan.

It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbra
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife changed a lot since becoming a vegan..

It's like I've never seen herbivore

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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