A technique that has been used for decades
Guys, I have been thinking about selling my Theremin.
I haven't touched it in years.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies. "
I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."
My wife found out I cheated when she found all of the letters I'd been hiding
She swore she will never play Scrabble with me again
I’ve just been voted the most secretive person in the whole world
I can’t tell you how much this means to me
I’ve just been charged for using sandpaper to kill my victim.
I only wanted to rough him up a bit.
There's been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris
There's nothing left but de brie
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?
Ive been waiting for one entire year for this moment
My son said, “I accidentally put ketchup in my eye. I should have been more careful.”
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
More than 1 000 pieces of music by Johann Sebastian Bach have been preserved,
along with nearly 900 by Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach, nearly 400 by Johann Christian Bach, more than 300 by Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach, and nearly 200 by Wilhelm Friedemann Bach.
Together with as many as 200 more surviving compositions by other members of the Bach dynasty, scholars estimate that about 3 000 works are preserved in total, a collection that we today know as the Baroque Bach mountain.
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
I've been reading a book on anti-gravity
I just can't put it down.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I don’t know what he laced them with but, I’ve been tripping all day....
Islam, Judaism, and Christianity have been in conflict with each other for centuries.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
I've been wearing this mask for so long, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to get rid of it.
It’s been years since the show ended, and I’m a little annoyed that people are still making ‘Friends’ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
I have been having prostate issues recently
The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.
I have been asking around what the lowest rank in the Army is, but no one would tell me.
Apparently it is private.
Just heard that the Energizer Bunny has been arrested
He's been charged with battery
They've been experimenting with adding rodent DNA to pet medication.
After all, what cat wouldn't want to take his pills if they tasted really mice?
Juan's friends and family always tell him how to live his life, but he's been doing some solitary soul searching
Because it takes Juan to know Juan
What do you call an ant that has been shunned by his community?
I could've been an astronaut
But my parents told me the sky's the limit
been a moment since i used the tea-rex meme template
I've been using my new U2 navigation system this week and it's the worst...
The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!
What do you call a can opener that's been broken
My kids recently been super obsessed with the moon and my wife is starting to get worried.
I told her not to worry, it’s only a phase.
My genetically engineered apples have been disfigured
They have gone pear-shaped.
Lately I’ve been storing all my extra change in some bushes outside.
I’m starting my own hedge fund.
A priest in the woods has been attacked by a pack of wolves. In a moment of desperation, the priest started to ask God how to get out of this situation.
The wolves may be predators but he pray
Have you heard, the sequel to 2020 has has been postponed?
2022 won’t be arriving for at least a year.
My phone has been a bad boy
It got charged with battery
My farm implements have been stolen. I was distractored.
"Where the heck have you been for the last 2 hours?"
"I went to have my hair cut."
"But ! You're on company time."
"Well, my hair grows on company time."
Has anyone been to Engagement, Ohio ?
It's a little place between Dayton and Marion.
I have been a part of free Britney since 1999
We called it Napster back then
September, October, November, and December should have been the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th month.
Whoever screwed this up—- I hope he got stabbed.
A man has been stealing wheels of police cars.
The police is working tirelessly to catch him.
A man has been found guilty of using too many commas.
The judge told him to expect a long sentence.
Rumor has it that I’ve been sentenced to the gallows.
Please collect me if I’m wrung.
I've never been married....
But, I've had a few near Mrs.
My wife's been in a coma for 2 weeks now and doctors have told me to expect the worst.
So, I have to go to all the charity shops and get her clothes back.
I’ve been through childbirth
It was such a harrowing experience I couldn’t walk for a year after that.
Polar bears have been introduced in the Antarctic. What are these polar bears now called?
My wife just complained that I've been in the garden all day tending to the herbs.
Apparently I have way too much thyme on my hands.
I have been happily married for 15 years
I’ve been married for 36.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies. "
I replied, "Well tell him he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
