Banqueting Puns

Chow(Ciao) mein(man)

One Two Three. Because Une Deux Trois Quatre Cinq.

Any punsters want to help me think of a clever name for a beer bottle label? It’s a Kolsch beer and has to be something about counseling/mental health.

Best pun gets to be featured at an honors society banquet lol plus I’ll send pics of the final product!!

Ready…set…PUN!

That all they gave me was the cold shoulder.

This'll be a knight to remember

Readers digest

Greeting, I'm the MC at a small high school soccer banquet this evening and need some humor help. I play rugby and my son plays soccer so any little digs I can get about that would be helpful too. We are American and I don't know any pro soccer player so please refrain on specific players. Thanks in advance.

They Planet

Fool

Deviled Eggs

My friend: Do the mashed potatoes have skin?

Me: Yeah they got skin

Dad holds out hand until I high five him

"That's what I call skin!"

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He notices that a large group of people are gathered in the bar's banquet room. "What's going on in there?" he asks the bartender. "It's the annual meeting of Rolled Up Newspaper Enthusiasts," the bartender replies. "Oh, interesting," the guy says. "I'd love to be a fly on the wall in there.... ..... no... wait...."

A man washes up on a remote island after a shipwreck. The native tribe is kind and they hail him as an honored guest, present him with a wooden throne and throw a banquet in his honor. After the banquet, he takes his throne back to the grass hut the tribe built for him and goes to sleep. That night, there's a windstorm and his grass hut and the throne are blown away. The moral of this story is "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones".

It's been about a year since my dad passed away unexpectedly. The grief hits me in weird waves sometimes, but one of the things that ALWAYS brings a smile to my face is a joke he kept going for YEARS.

It started in line at Costco years and years ago:

Dad: [pointing over to a sign in the pharmacy] What does that say?

Me: Hearing aids.

Dad: What?

Me: HEARING AIDS

Dad: WHAT?!

A year or so later, at a charity event banquet, a police officer was speaking...

Officer: ...these funds have helped cover numerous medical expenses for those in need, including vision tests, hearing aids...

Dad: [leans over to me] What did he say?

Me: [whispers] Hearing aids.

Dad: What?

Me: Hearing aids.

Then we both burst out laughing and had to keep it together at this fancy dinner.

My dad did this for YEARS. And was masterful at waiting JUST long enough so that I had forgotten the joke and would fall for it every time. It was basically a years-long dad-joke ambush.

My folks own a bar with a banquet area and Louie Anderson is performing tonight. My Dad is going to open the show with one joke that he is really excited about.

Picture him standing at the mic in a empty banquet hall, I'm standing in the middle of the room as he is "testing" the joke on me.

"A termite walks into a bar, looks around and asks "Where's the bar tender?""

...

I'm going to try and get this on video tonight.