πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OfficialReadyGo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My grandfather just walked into the room with a guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, β€œWho is this guy?”

My grandfather: That’s my hip replacement.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
When I woke up this morning, I saw a bird of prey sitting in my backyard eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What do avocado-loving ducks say?

Guac Guac

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
How does an avocado move?

They guac.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flash_Fire009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Avocado Da Vinci says:
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paradoxtream
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
An avocado thief was caught committing a crime...

I heard they tried to get away ,but they didn’t av a car doe...

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FaberEggMaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call avocados that are grown in the Everglades?

Guacodiles

Credit to my dad

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigglingdoritos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Had to tell my family we can't take the boat to the lake cause my truck broke down. Fortunately, avocado.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slartibradfast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A total dad joke I made up last night- What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?

An Incommunicado

Eh?!

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mdooles11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I dropped my gun in the avocado dip. . .

Now is glockamole.

I don't care, I'll eat it anyway tomorrow on my toast for breakfast at ate a glock in the morning.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw a priest blessing an avocado...

Holy guacamole.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...

It was a guaca-mole.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1ndigo__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandpa just came over to my house with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. Miffed, I questioned, β€œWho's this guy?” Gramps chuckled and replied, "Who, him?"

"This is my hip replacement!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I always use avocados in target practice...

I guess you could make some Glockamole.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisissparta10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of eye disease to avocados get when they get old?

Guacoma

(From 10 year old son)

P.s. funnier because of my job.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isurgeon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't rub avocado in your eyes.

You might get guacoma.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an overly affectionate avocado?

An avocuddle.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Syuriix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter was just gifted some avocado socks for her bday.

I told her "Now when you wear them, you can go for a guac". Groans all around the house. Success!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klownin816
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Reddit I don't know what to call my avocado socks
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1_ShReK_1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are avocados always sad

Because they have a pit in their stomach

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SausageClogs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Found a bullet in my avocado

Guess you can call it glockomole

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a piece of avocado in my eye...

... now I have guacoma.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiZou11
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a smashed avocado that travels by foot?

Walk-a-moley

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bravetourists
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross an avocado with The Jungle Book?

Guacamowgli.

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DingoAltair
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks like avocados?

They love to make quackamole.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Risenneo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to write a spanish crime show about a lawyer who represents avocado farms.

It would be called El Avocado Abogado.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaskan_Giant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do avocados communicate?

With 'guac'ie-talkies.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DogAteMyNandos
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I've invented a game where avocados appear randomly and you have to smash as many as possible within the time limit

I'm calling it Guac-a-Mole

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sup3rjaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Not enough love for avocados ... amirite?!
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBottomTooth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
When Trump closes the border, if the US runs out of avocados, is that just one big guac block?
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nolegrad15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does Fozzy bear like avocados so much?

Because of waca waca-mole

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you put avocados in your handgun?

Glockamole

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolzxx94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Trying to teach my wife how to properly choose a ripe avocado.

Honestly, it’s not that hard.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hassela1050
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
One time my friend ate rotten avocado

he so bad hass

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you play whack a mole with avocados​?

Whackamoley.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JarynN42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What is an avocado's favorite arcade game?

Guacamole.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ucom1
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the duck say when he found an avocado?

Guac, Guac.

πŸ‘︎ 284
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eric_perezzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
🚨︎ report
When you slice open avocados and realize some parts are not edible...

that’s the pits

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about the bee sting remedy made from Avocados?

..and fish oil?
They call it "AvoCodro's Number"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zman4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I woke up this morning and saw a bird of prey in my backyard eating avocado toast and yelling β€œOk Boomer!”

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to my backyard this morning, and I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
If a priest blesses an avocado

Would it be a holy guacamole?

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Inoune
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw a bird eating avocado toast.

It was a millenial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BassWizard420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me, β€œCould you go to the store and buy one gallon of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.” When I came home with 6 gallons of milk, she shrieked, β€œWhy in the world did you buy 6 gallons of milk!?”

I replied, β€œThey had avocados.”

πŸ‘︎ 310
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
🚨︎ report
If a priest blesses an avocado

Would it be a holy guacamole?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/no_one_cares4u
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in my backyard when I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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