Adopted Puns

......And I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

I feel like the 66 route is a little late

So I could have twice as many dad jokes.

Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.

They said “hell no, why would we pick you”?

"I wish you'd called me something else," he often says.

I told him "Dad, I found the paperwork. I know"

Dad said "What paperwork? What did you find?"

"I'm adopted"

He replied "Hi adopted! I'm- oh, wait. Nevermind."

First thing he did when I got him home was make a bolt for the door.

Son: "Wow really? I'd never have guessed!".

Dad: "Im glad you're taking this so well".

Son: "Well I did have my suspicions".

Dad: "yes yes, anyway go pack your bags, your new parents will be here in 10 minutes".

He said "I see you and I raise you."

...because as soon I got it home, it made a bolt for the door!

(Blacksmiths make bolts for doors)

Credit: Random Contestant on Forged in Fire

Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."

I said ‘Yeah your new parents will be here any second now’

“Why would I chose you?”

Dad : "No, you're Timmy."

But why every day?

Dad: "Not yet, we're still trying to find somebody who wants you."

Dad: No, why the fuck I would pick you?

Then they became a parent.

Dad: You know you were adopted too, right?

Me (8 years old): I was?!

Dad: Yeah, but you were such a miserable kid they made your mom and I take you back.

For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes

Immediately I repeated what I said this morning.

"No kids! I said WALK the dog!"

"Are you kidding?! REALLY?!" I shouted.

"Yup, get ready", he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."

X-post from /r/Jokes

My Dad "Michigander 13, we have a 3/4 drunk Gatorade bottle and a 1/2 drunk pop bottle on the counter what are we doing with them?"

Me "Well what are they doing getting drunk?!"

My mom laughed, I laughed, my dad just sat there. Not laughing. Is he a true dad?

You'd think he would figure it out since we look nothing alike. He probably won't make it to his 18th birthday, so we try to make his life as happy and fulfilling as we can. Although sometimes I think we may spoil him and give him a few too many treats. I've tried telling him before, but I don't think he understands. He just gives me this weird look and wags his tail.

I told my dad that one of the dogs is a purebred plott hound.

Dad says, "So if she gains weight, then the plott thickens."

His pride and joey!

When breaking the news, they explained, "Two Wongs don't make a white."

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the backdoor

As soon as we got him home, he made a bolt for the door

But as son as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

I know he used to belong to a blacksmith because as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.