My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!
I am asking my girlfriend to the Homecoming dance in about a month, and it's been a running joke to be as cheesy as possible in our relationship. For this year, I was brainstorming and I saw a pirate costume in my attic. So I am going to take her on a date to a nearby lake, and then my friends are going to row up in a canoe dressed as pirates. They are going to somehow give her a treasure chest for safekeeping (I haven't really thought all of this through yet), and inside will hopefully be one of your puns asking her. Please help arrrr/puns!
Sir: “Like winning an argument with my wife”.
Waiter “Rare it is!”.
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
Inflation
Try this on for sighs.
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
My hand.
The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."
"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.
The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"
Because they dilate.
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
You get a hand shake.
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
Call an egg-sorcist
You just have to listen varicosely.
Riceless
They're seasoned veterans
Cause then it would be a foot
It’s not stroganoff
Cyan Aura.
I bought 2
I look at my wife frustratingly and shout "You never even told me you sold flowers!?"
He replied “I’m a big metal fan!”
Because there’s always room for improvement.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
You just bite it really hard. It will become Thor.
You get a handshake
Because they dilate.
