What’s the difference between an old transit stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teraghor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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Public transport / transit

If you want to be a dad, replace 'public' with 'pubic' in any verbal conversation.

  • I'll just call him on a pubic telephone.
  • I'm going to ride pubic transport to work today.
  • I have a fear of pubic speaking.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xbtdev
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2014
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I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...

straightaway I knew he was a keeper

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/studentadvisor101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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What is a transitioning male's drink of choice?

An Estro-Gin and Tonic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Along with gender dysphoria, my doctor wanted to address my poor oral health.

She prescribed me trans-and-dental medication.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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My transgender neighbor became more confident after transitioning.

She’s a changed man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACDH_2002
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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I’m trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.

But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Jackie Chan recently announced that they have received the surgery to transition from male to female. Though, despite this, the most shocking part of this interview was her saying she will no longer be doing her own stunts.

She just doesn’t have the balls anymore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsopoor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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It turns out that my baby isn’t very good in transitioning out of breastfeeding.

In fact, he sucks at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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My dad called me today and told me he was transitioning to be a female

He just wanted to be transparent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nrb255
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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Flag for people that have changed gender then had children imgur.com/QoGpBpc
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mandjari
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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When shared commuters suffer transiting underground shortcuts

Another case of Carpool Tunnel Syndrome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralRodin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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I wish I can be like that parent when I grow up
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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Mr Cucumber's Big Life Transition medium.com/@kyle_freeman/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyle_QueTerror
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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What the transitional surgery from female to male should be called.

An addadictomy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bvcady
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2016
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It happened. I've made the transition. My cousin asked about my bank

Asking about my bank, my cousin says "Do you have Chase?"
I respond "No they didn't catch me".
My family looked at me confused as hell. Especially the younger ones. I say "You know...cause it's Chase". No laughter. Just sad times ahead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WCartistDad
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2015
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So proud

The other day, we were getting my 3 year old daughter out of the bath. You know how cold that transition is.

D = daughter M = me

D: "Daddy, me owl."

M: confused face "What?"

D: shivering "whoooooo, hoooooo"

Her first pun!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PilotWombat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Solid Argument
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCoder01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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My 10 year old stood a few feet away from me and asked... Dad? How far away is a stud?

...my mind raced with punchlines of the β€œabout this far” variety. I tried a few on for size.

Then I realized he was looking distraught and realized I was potentially stomping on his blooming dad-joke career. So I stopped and said: β€œI don’t know son, how far?”

He still looked confused, and then I realized that he for real thought a β€œstud” was a measure of distance and this was a legit question. So I had to transition into google searching images of wall framing and what studs are. What a roller coaster of dad emotions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cid73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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I dadjoked myself in my sleep.

I had a dream that I ordered new underwear, but the package was lost in transit. So I emailed them.

The reply email from the company started "Let's be brief…"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smgeier
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
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x-post from r/ottawa: our Mayor has the dadjokes.

Recently e-cigs/vapes have been banned on city property and public transit.

Screenshot from Twitter: http://imgur.com/40Sq0qK

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πŸ‘€︎ u/starfishtrooper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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Eating with my boyfriend

His eggs were over-easy. He wanted to place an egg on his toast, but in transit, the yolk exploded all over his hand.

First thing that comes out of my mouth: "Are you... yolkay?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deeahnuh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
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Wife bought this deli crab salad and this was my response.

Little bit of context to start out. Had just dadjoked my wife mere seconds earlier about me being nervous to turn on the baby monitor since it is displaying c4 for channel 4 and the relation between explosives, what not etc. (you see where that was going)

Anyways, now that her guard is down (I don't think she was expecting a twofer) I pulled out this weird deli crab salad concoction she had just bought at the store, showed it to her and said with a look of disgust on my face, (she knows I don't like the stuff)

Me: "Seriously though, I just have one question for you."

Her: "I know you don't like the stuff I just got enough for me it was on a good sale!"

Me: "What the crab is this?"

Those precious few milliseconds where her expression transitions from confused to eye roll is my favorite part.

(Yes these jokes were all shamelessly planned)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tokyo0709
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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A sign of our times.

My dad and I were driving to pick up some pizza the other day, and drove by the local community college. They have one of those new HD billboards, which was flashing garish advertisements for their classes and programs.

"That's a terrible sign," my dad remarked.

"Yeah, those things are distracting and annoying," I agreed. "The things flash too fast for you to really read it, and the color contrast makes it hard to read while you're driving late at night. It's not like the sign in front of my school at all (I'm a teacher). My school has slow transitions and clear lettering that makes things easy to read. It's what makes our billboard auspicious."

My dad frowned. He could tell something was coming. "Why's yours auspicious?"

"Because it's a good sign."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/triforceelf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2015
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Pumpkin Carving

When I was growing up and transitioning from baby to crooked adult teeth, my dad used to sit me down and tell me to smile. He would then pretend to carve the pumpkin's smile to look like mine and tell me how perfectly scary it was.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justkayla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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What’s the difference between a dirty transit stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinyDinoHugs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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