One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean
If you want to be a dad, replace 'public' with 'pubic' in any verbal conversation.
- I'll just call him on a pubic telephone.
- I'm going to ride pubic transport to work today.
- I have a fear of pubic speaking.
An Estro-Gin and Tonic
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
It was honestly a surprise but at least they were both Trans-Parent about it.
Maybe itβs because Iβm trans-parent
Sheβs a changed man.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Because it only had trans-sisters.
She just doesnβt have the balls anymore
In fact, he sucks at it.
He just wanted to be transparent
Another case of Carpool Tunnel Syndrome
An addadictomy
Asking about my bank, my cousin says "Do you have Chase?"
I respond "No they didn't catch me".
My family looked at me confused as hell. Especially the younger ones. I say "You know...cause it's Chase". No laughter. Just sad times ahead.
It was trans-send-dental-mediation.
When It's trans-parent.
He's quite TransParent about it.
It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.
It's called Trans-four-murs.
Little bit of context to start out. Had just dadjoked my wife mere seconds earlier about me being nervous to turn on the baby monitor since it is displaying c4 for channel 4 and the relation between explosives, what not etc. (you see where that was going)
Anyways, now that her guard is down (I don't think she was expecting a twofer) I pulled out this weird deli crab salad concoction she had just bought at the store, showed it to her and said with a look of disgust on my face, (she knows I don't like the stuff)
Me: "Seriously though, I just have one question for you."
Her: "I know you don't like the stuff I just got enough for me it was on a good sale!"
Me: "What the crab is this?"
Those precious few milliseconds where her expression transitions from confused to eye roll is my favorite part.
(Yes these jokes were all shamelessly planned)
My dad and I were driving to pick up some pizza the other day, and drove by the local community college. They have one of those new HD billboards, which was flashing garish advertisements for their classes and programs.
"That's a terrible sign," my dad remarked.
"Yeah, those things are distracting and annoying," I agreed. "The things flash too fast for you to really read it, and the color contrast makes it hard to read while you're driving late at night. It's not like the sign in front of my school at all (I'm a teacher). My school has slow transitions and clear lettering that makes things easy to read. It's what makes our billboard auspicious."
My dad frowned. He could tell something was coming. "Why's yours auspicious?"
"Because it's a good sign."
I am M2F trans with 2 kids. Although I am very fem, the dad jokes still sometimes slip. Tonight, I was speaking with a friend on Facebook and this classic came out while talking about my job hunt and seeking a position with Hanford and/or Bechtel (a nuclear facility)
"Hopefully I'll get at least an interview. I hear that it's a pretty toxic environment, but if you're in, it's a big nuclear family"
When I was growing up and transitioning from baby to crooked adult teeth, my dad used to sit me down and tell me to smile. He would then pretend to carve the pumpkin's smile to look like mine and tell me how perfectly scary it was.
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
Itβs almost as if they have become trans-parent...
