“I have split personality” said Tom being Frank.
You Dont Know How It Peels
He don’t come around here no more
Trombones.
It’s a superbole.
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Close, but no Seger.
Because it’s very hard for them to lurk from home.
Whiskey Business
That’s why he don’t come around here no more.
Die Firma
Because he always peaked.
The wading is the hardest part.
He was just a common-tater.
I said, "Well, there's Nicholas...Nicky..."
with much aplomb.
A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.
As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.
Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.
Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.
We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."
He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.
Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....
Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.
Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"
Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.
He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."
He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"
Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."
They call him Tom eight toes
"is that common?"
It's not unusual
The dirtiest clean joke I know...
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches.
Credit to Redd Foxx
Hilfiger it out.
The pickpocket snatches your watch. The peeping tom does the opposite.
He was just a common-tater.
I asked for his autograph, but all he wrote was ‘thanks’...
That's what I named my pet Amphibian.
Doctor: Sounds like you might have Tom Jones syndrome.
Me: Is it common?
Doctor: It’s not unusual.
I finally battled my Damons.
Die Firma
It's not unusual.
...Hilfiger it out"
