They are having a wheel problem at the station
How dare they make someone else clean that up
What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?
I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:
“You wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”
When 2 things just work together perfectly they're a
There was a knight whose job it was to guard other knights while they sleep
But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean?
Because they've got to keep the ocean tide.
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?
Do they allow loud, big, hearty laughs in Hawaii?
Or does it have to be aloha?
Guess they should read the bio next time
How come they call a place where horses are kept a "stable"…
And not a neigh-bourhood?
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
Why did they bring in the pencil for questioning?
Where do they manufacture noses?
I just read a story about songs in history and the pitches in which they were sung
For example a march to battle was sung around middle D, Georgian chants were sung in low to middle G, it seems that most if not all pirate chants were sung on the high C’s
They just don’t taste right!
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.
That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.
My dad took me down to a garden centre to buy manure but they were out of stock.
We weren't taking shit from anyone that day
How did the Romans make sure they nailed Jesus to the cross in exactly the right place?
they drilled a Pilate hole.
Why did they build the university on a mountain?
It was a place of higher learning.
I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother
They said, “She’s a great grandmother.”
My kid told me they are transgender; so I turned invisible.
Because now, I'm a transparent.
They really mis-named the superhero called "Ant-man"
He should really be called Uncle.
Can't really take credit, my nieces made the joke while watching the movie. Regionally "Aunt" is pronounced as "ant"
Why didn't they let the fungi into the party?
So I peed on my college application and submitted it to get into my choice college. Guess what they told me?
They found a dead cat on Mars.
It appears it was ran over and killed by curiosity.
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
A German spy gave themself away when I sneezed. They said, "gesundheit!"
It was a blessing in disguise.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
They had some nerve posting this in r/TIHI
Don't go to fast foods in America they are scamming us.
My kids meal didn't include any kids.
I went to a Ford dealership the other day looking for a specific model. The salesman told me they didn’t have what I was looking for and that I wasn’t allowed to leave.
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
I can’t believe some lowlife broke into my garage. They took my prized possession: my Limbo bar.
I mean how low can you go?
Some guys are talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one of the friends say "I sit down when I pee"
Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"
We’re you aware that the NFL has a rule on professional athletes and the animals they can own as pets? They are prohibited from owning a duck as a pet!
Some fruit told me about the amazing journey they had
They're building a mirror factory in my town.
I could definitely see myself working there.
I once went to the CNN broadcasting station. They had an aquarium full of rubber amphibians.
Just as I feared... fake newts everywhere!
A new variant of head lice has appeared and they are resistant to conventional treatments.
This has left scientists scratching their heads l
Do they have July 4th in Great Britain?
Puns aren’t the aphrodisiac I thought they were.
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
What did they call the Mexican-Arab slot machine?
I dig, you dig, he dig, she dig, we dig, they dig
It's not a very long poem but it's a deep one
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