I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I canβt think of any more other than pun-ch line
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
π︎ 123
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︎ Dec 11 2020
"Deeper" than you think
π︎ 259
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Did you know your nose can't be longer than 12 inches ?
Otherwise it will be a foot.
π︎ 364
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Not to brag, but I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
π︎ 166
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Why is a pregnant horse faster than a regular horse?
Because the pregnant one has two horsepower.
π︎ 97
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︎ Nov 30 2020
It has been shown that cows raised in Mexico are statistically happier on average than cows raised in other countries
They've been reported as feeling "mooey bien"
π︎ 51
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︎ Dec 06 2020
A bit later than usual, but here's Dadvent day 9!
π︎ 32
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︎ Dec 09 2020
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boysβ¦
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of fortyβ¦
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Whatβs worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Your entire family dying in a fire....
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Did you know that Americans eat more bananas than monkeys every year?
Which makes sense, because I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
π︎ 96
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︎ Nov 16 2020
Someone asked me to name a greater philosopher than Nietzsche.
π︎ 14
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︎ Nov 14 2020
So I read a study the other day claiming that βhumans eat more bananas than monkeysβ
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
When geese are migrating they form a "V" shape, but do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
Because there are more geese on that side.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 16 2020
What used to be a nazi dictator ship other than germany?
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 12 2020
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 34
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Pamdemic, she's much worse than the flu!
π︎ 38
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Whatβs better than a Dad bod?
π︎ 16k
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︎ Jul 10 2020
There is nothing stronger than a finger gun...
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 17 2020
My wife told me, "You're a better husband than I'll ever be."
I responded, "Who the hell is Oliver B.??"
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Why is booze better than carrots?
Carrots maybe good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Whom does Asian parents love more than A honorable child ?
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 09 2020
What make of vehicles is no better than a childβs plaything?
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 12 2020
A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.
He gave one to three for five
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Why is it easier to take an F-150 across a river than a Silverado?
Bc no one ever Chevyβd a river
π︎ 14
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︎ Nov 06 2020
My Tinder date turned out to be shorter than his bio said.
I guess he was telling some tall tales.
π︎ 51
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︎ Oct 26 2020
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK"
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Why are men statistically more likely to drown than women?
π︎ 409
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︎ Aug 25 2020
What's worse than ants in your pants ?
π︎ 11
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I learned pregnant horses are faster than other female horses
They have double the horsepower
π︎ 16
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︎ Nov 23 2020
What's harder to remove from an apartment than six spiders?
π︎ 41
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
What do you call more turkeys than you can count?
A Gobbillion. Happy thanksgiving!
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 26 2020
My election has lasted more than three days.
Do I need to see my doctor?
π︎ 19
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︎ Nov 07 2020
What do you call it when Vanna White turns a letter other than a consonant?
π︎ 15
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Did you know The Flash can run faster than lightning?
This is mainly because lightning can't run
π︎ 40
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︎ Oct 18 2020
So I started dating an OBGYN that said her job was more dangerous than mine.
So I asked what her riskiest encounter was. She said she did not know, but she learned early to give mothers with fat babies a wide berth.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
What brand of chips is slower than Internet Explorer?
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course it can! A building canβt jump at all!
π︎ 10
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︎ Nov 17 2020
My girlfriend said that quilts are better than duvets..
I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jun 13 2020
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
π︎ 379
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Today I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram
π︎ 215
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︎ Nov 23 2020
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
π︎ 85
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
Whatβs better than a dad bod?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
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