Geode versus Geodude
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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It's what happens when you have a gala versus a college frat party.

There was a shooting at the party yesterday. Thankfully, there were no casualties. Well, that's mainly because it was a formal party, so people were only wearing seriousties.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leboy2Point0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Polos versus Trebor mints, Polos score! And the whole crowd goes menthol
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sammy_Colon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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It’s pointless to get into an argument about the Adam and Eve creation story versus evolution.

It is comparing apples to origins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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Grandpa, telling war stories: So there we were, 2 versus 100. We were in a corner, but prepared carefully and started strong...

Killed them both.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Viagra versus Cialis?

That’s a stiff competition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
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I've been learning Chinese (Mandarin). I told my friend I preferred writing Chinese in English letters versus the phonetic characters.

He said, "Well, that's your Pinyin".

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
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Character spacing is important, for example: ...

...writing: "I have a music album". 🎢

...versus: "I have a musical bum". 🎺

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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What do you call a fight between a Martian and a nerd with no social life?

Alien versus Redditor.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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Dead crows

The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) found over 200 dead crows on U.S. Highway 281 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorcycles, while only 2% were killed by cars.

TxDOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorcycle kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Semujin
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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How can you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

By paying close attention to watch one sees you later, versus after a while.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CptnKickass
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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A dad joke at dinner while discussing sports..

As my family and I were discussing polo versus water polo. Mom: I feel like water polo would be more difficult to play. Dad: well yeah, the horses keep drowning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lizzbug96
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
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Talking to my brother at dinner, when a wild dad appears!

Brother: If Chelsea had to play versus Man. City in a playoff, I'd buy a ticket instead of saving for a car (soccer teams)

Me: Those tickets would be like.. Β£70 a piece

Dad: Man, that's a heavy ticket

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NBKEEP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
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My dad just sent me this one...

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilaregenbogen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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Dad just sent me this. I buried my face in my hands.

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slidewriter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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Dad just emailed me this article about a crow problem in Boston

CROW KILLS

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck." Absolutely amazing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dysenterygary69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
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Just got this in an email from my dad.

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

Amazing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mathliability
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
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