The current storm in the gulf has caused flooding, but pales in comparison to Hurricane Harvey.

Some may even call it Beta

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananawhack
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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A friend of mine is really good at using comparisons to explain things.

Her name is Ann Alogy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crunchybedsheets
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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An Apt Comparison

I was told that /r/dadjokes would enjoy this: http://mountsaintawesome.com/comic.php?id=99

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DorkRawk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2015
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I got a new bucket.

It's much better than my old bucket because the new one came with a lid.

It pails in comparison, really.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconbuddy95
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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All my friends have such expansive bucket lists.

Mine is just pail in comparison.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Buckets are pathetic compared to bathtubs

In fact they pail in comparison

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisvskris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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All my friends have really expansive bucket lists.

Mine is just a little pail in comparison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Your first name can highly influence your chances for pregnancy.

Like a Sophia has higher chance of getting pregnant in comparison of an Andrew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/markandor_001
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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Why was Ben 10 considered so powerful?

Because the previous kid was Ben Nine in comparison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ign1fy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I hate when homeless people shake their coin cups at me.

I get it you have more money than me... There's no reason to brag about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
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A plastic bucket vs. a metal bucket . . .

Pails in comparison

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Here is my bucket list:
  1. A five gallon bucket
  2. A wooden bucket
  3. A plastic beach bucket
  4. A mop bucket
  5. A KFC chicken bucket
  6. A bucket seat in my car.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ande4100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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What’s the difference between a bucket and a barrel?

A bucket pails in comparison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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In my opinion, the best people focus on themselves.

There's no comparison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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South African beauty pageant

The South Africa beauty pageant had 10 finalists: 9 black girls, and 1 white girl: Anna.
 
While Anna was beautiful in her own right, she paled in comparison to the other contestants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martijngamer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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All my friends have these long and expansive bucket lists.

Mine is just a pail in comparison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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My band's bass player was difficult to find

But I have no bass-is for comparison

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingMidas99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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Got my coworker yesterday.

He was prepping his GRE and I noticed he had a book on word comparisons and grammar, pretty much like those SAT questions in the verbal section. My response after he commented on how reading it has improved his language skills:

"My vocabulary is awful, for lack of a better word."

The resulting groan was glorious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WajorMeasel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2016
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My bucket is way better than yours!

Yours pales in comparison.

Credit: James S.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marmoneymar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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I got a new bucket yesterday that I’m extremely happy with.

The last one pails by comparison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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All my friends have such long and complicated bucket lists.

Mine is a little pail in comparison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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What is it called when you discuss the differences between Han Solo and Indiana Jones......?

.....Comparison Ford.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2014
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This one is too long for just a title. But, I promise that this really just happened.

I live in South Carolina, sort of near the coast, and Hurricane Florence is headed this way. My two youngest children--total cowards--were helping me clear out all of the storm drains and curb gutters on our street to help the expected 10-20 inches of rain drain as best they can. Any time any insect flies past them, they scream bee and run away screaming. I'm talking like they're afraid of butterflies. My youngest says that Winter is her favorite season because all the bees are dead.

So, we finish up, and I go inside ahead of them, making them put the shovels away, and I hear, from inside, them running and crying/shrieking across the front porch and inside the house.

My youngest, amidst her sobs, says, "It was as big as a baseball" and holds the one I keep on my desk up for comparison.

I think make the B sign in ASL with both of my hands, stand up and say "BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ" at them while they run away in fear, and when the middle child says, "THAT'S NOT FUNNY" I keep moving towards them with my B hands while saying, "DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST LET YOU BEE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

I'm a great dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
The Book

My Dad was the worst. And by that, I mean the best. He had a Dad Joke for everything.

I accidently left my wallet in my pants and they went through the wash?

"Don't you know it's illegal to launder money?" He would crack.

We would drive by the cemetery and he would always remark.

"That place is so popular, people are dying to get in"

Many groans were had.

I would ask him, "Dad, where do you get all these awful jokes?" and he looked square in the eye and said.

"Son, on the day you were born - your Grandfather - my father gave me a book. '1001 Dad Jokes' and that where I get them from"

And life continued. Any opportunity to crack wise he would take it. Even when I moved out and got my own place it didn't stop. I had my Dad over to help me repaint the walls from cream to white.

"Boy" He whistled. "This wall sure pales in comparison to that one"

My eyes rolled and he just shrugged. "It's the book!"

He couldn't even help himself at my wedding and broke out a Dad Joke during the toast.

"If this is the toast, where are the eggs?"

"Sorry son, it's the book!" He said with a devilish grin.

So months pass and my wife is in labor at the hospital with our first child. I'm sitting in the waiting room with my dad for support. Suddenly, a nurse comes out beaming with glee.

"Congratulations, sir! It's a girl!"

Me and my dad jump up and whoop for joy, hugging. I can't wait to go in and see my wife and child.

"Wait son" My dad says and pulls a little book out of his jacket pocket. "This is for you"

I look at the little book and sure enough, it's "1001 Dad Jokes"

I tear up instantly.

"I...I.." I stammer.."I'm touched.."

My dad gets the world's biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

"Hi touched...." He pauses for effect.

"I'm Dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/extraflux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call Han Solo in a Venn Diagram?

Comparison Ford.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swinjamin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2017
🚨︎ report
At a graduate seminar on operating systems

Professor: This paper is comparing Windows Vista performance against Windows 7 in the wild, but it makes no attempt to control for hardware, so it's not an apples-to-apples comparison.

Me: For an apples-to-apples comparison they'd need to compare OSX and iOS, wouldn't they?

(Yes, I really said this)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dspeyer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
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Since it's Winter, I haven't gone outside as much lately...

My skin pales in comparison to what it once was.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heregoessomethong
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross Indiana Jones with a Venn Diagram?

Comparison Ford.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LouisTM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
🚨︎ report
All of my friends have such expansive bucket lists.

But mine is a little pail into comparison.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
All of my friends have such expansive bucket lists.

Mine is just a little pail in comparison.

πŸ‘︎ 285
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A plastic bucket vs. a metal bucket . . .

pails in comparison

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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