Equivalence Puns

Blood blisters.

Among Eu.

The Offish

I'm stalin' it.

Identity theft is not a joke.

A Led Zeppelin

Which is a pretty good deal for those on a poultry wage.

Me (checking my sock): no it doesn’t!

Dad: well, how did you get your foot in?

Dad: "So it's an Eastern."

I walked right into that one.

A "Guy"necologist

That 80 is the french equivalent of 420

Mana a mana

This is a conversation on Facebook...

Grandma posts: Does anyone know how to get gorilla glue out of carpet?

Grandpa replies: Feed it a banana.

Having lunch and milkshakes with the family

Me: Dammit, I think there's a hole in the side of my straw.

Dad: You think that's bad?! Mine's got one at the top and one at the bottom

Groans all round

For awhile there in university, I worked as an appetizer cook for a higher end restaurant. At the end of some shifts I'd make use of the staff discount and cook up some calamari or make a sushi roll for myself.

Sometimes my GF (now wife) would join me in this post-shift snack. When she would ask something equivalent to, "How was your shift?" I'd often respond mid-bite and say in a snooty French accent, "I ate my work!" She's been groaning for almost 20 years now.

We went out to eat at a Cuban place and my mother had ordered some food with a side of tostones (a plantain dish). She complained that they had too much garlic to which I made a joke:

"Yeah, as soon as you bit into it, you tatsed the garlic and were like , '¡Ajo!'"

(¡Ajo! is a Spanish exclamatory similar to "ooooooh" or "oh my goodnes." It doesn't have a direct English equivalent but that's what it means. The Spanish word for garlic also happens to be ajo, so I made a pun playing off the dual meaning of the word. Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. )

He said he had tried the new Costa (a UK equivalent to Starbucks) in town. I asked him what it was like, having not visited it myself and he simply replied "It Costa fortune"

Then again, I'm quite oblivious to his subtle jokes, but I think this one takes the cake:

So anyway, the other day he had me look something up for him on my laptop. Occasionally, my mouse pad lags and this was one of those times. I began to rub my finger to get it to work when my dad lays this one one me: "¿Tiene comezón o qué?" Which is roughly translated to: "Is it(the laptop) itchy or what?"

Now, I'm sure if I was a dude and my dad was one of those dads, he would've said something along the lines of my laptop's mouse pad being equivalent to a woman's nether regions. But that might just be the way I think.