Hope a large fraction of y'all have a sense of humour
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ‘€︎ u/simwalkedaway
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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We got a new air mattress but it was too lumpy. We called customer support, very angry, demanding our money back!

They said we were blowing it out of proportion.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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The amount of cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrots divided by the volume of the Mayo.

That’s Cole’s Law.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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Why are vampires mad about their food proportions?

Because they are bite sized

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boolooon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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Barbie's been working out, but body proportions are definitely
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
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Today I bumped into the guy who had sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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A dad joke of Presidential proportions youtube.com/watch?v=XvqbP…
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/hamiltonlives
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
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One of my friends in Colorado posted about the rain causing floods "of biblical proportion" and this picture was the first response.
πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikeLampz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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Some things aren't always great.
πŸ‘︎ 178
πŸ‘€︎ u/ddh85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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A dad joke of astronomical proportion

A friend an I were driving home when I noticed two bright stars in the sky I knew to be planets.

Me: "Do you know what planets those are?"

Him: "I don't know... Mars and Venus?".

Me: "I'm pretty sure they're Venus and Jupiter"

Him: "Yeah, I had no idea. I just pulled two planet names out of my..."

Me: "Uranus?"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/dangoodspeed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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A dad joke of flooding proportions.

Me and my brother (looking after his son) having a conversation after I got back from a short holiday.

Me: I can't get into my house at the moment...

Brother: Why not?

Me: Turns out it flooded while I was away, hot water pipes burst...

Brother: That must have dampened the mood!

Brother proceeds to move his sons mouth into a mock laughing motion as he chuckles to himself.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ‘€︎ u/TatManTat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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Today my maths teacher showed us a bomb

then he blew the lesson way out of proportion

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Major_Cupcake
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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A Dad Joke of Olympic Proportions

I was watching the Olympic men's Super combined downhill when I made the comment that the skiers get down the hill pretty quickly (referring to the speedometer that would pop up occasionally).

Without missing a beat my dad said the last U.S. skier made it down the hill Ligety split.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/baseballwiz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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A boat sunk yesterday

It was a catastrophe of Titanic proportion

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberneticpencil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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I saw two huge ratios fighting against each other.

It was a war of epic proportions.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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I just dad-joked my boss over some illustration

He told me he wanted a highlighted line, possibly dashed, as part of an animation (for teaching maths to kids). He has set a decidedly minimalistic but eye-catching style that I need to follow, so after a few tweaks, trying to get the right proportions and a nice look, I turned around to him and asked 'Is this along the right lines'?

It was only after I said it I realised the accidental genius of what I had just said, so I simply had to point it out.

He responded with '...I'll let you off this time.'

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/whatthemeh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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