I learned everything I know about fairness from the Goddess of Pop and her body double.
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︎ Oct 11 2018
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︎ Oct 05 2019
Life just isn't fair sometimes
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︎ Feb 02 2021
I came in first at the science fair and received a new telescope...
It wasnβt bad for a constellation prize.
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︎ Mar 19 2021
Today, in a cultural fair, I found someone was giving away free balloons to children
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︎ Feb 13 2021
My son's science fair entry was a volcano made of a fat product from rendering the fatty tissue of a pig. My son's fat teacher waddled around everywhere when he set it off...
The lard ash was everywhere!
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Whatβs a weasels favourite ride at the fun fair?
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I had an anecdote about menstruation fall flat at the renaissance fair
Of all people, youβd think theyβd appreciate a period joke
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︎ Oct 20 2020
My 7 yo son's contribution: What has three eyes and can't see? (to be fair i's)
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︎ Sep 05 2020
Is not fair to get mad at lazy people...
They didnβt do anything.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
if you know then a fair tetsutetsu to you
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︎ Sep 16 2020
The legalize cannabis party had a fair few stoners voting for it this past election, but not enough to gain power
Thatβs a lot of wasted votes
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Two British monks set up a small snack stand at the parish fair.
They divided the duties equally: one was the fish friar, and the other was
the chip monk!
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︎ Aug 02 2020
You know what feels like it should be fair but isn't?
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︎ Oct 06 2020
TS.PoM. "I'm sorry, the fizzy water might be a little flat..."
Me: "It's still water."
True Story. Proud of Myself.
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I'm a fairly new dad and I'm proud of this
I was out grocery shopping yesterday and was looking at wines. The lady next to me grabbed a bottle but knocked another bottle to the floor. It broke and red wine went everywhere. I said the first thing that came to mind...
"Caught you red handed".
She looked and me and started laughing. One of my proudest moments.
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︎ Jul 24 2019
"I'm fairly certain that I stole my son's really strong beer from the bridge."
"What percent?"
"I'm about 80% sure."
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︎ Sep 01 2020
thats a fair point
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︎ Dec 02 2019
Unemployed Pilot (Dad still killing it at 70)
My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):
I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landingπ¬π
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︎ Jan 21 2021
I may be an introvert, but I have a fairly successful ore industry.
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︎ Jun 08 2020
(fairly certain this is original) I'm out to eat with my girl and the server tells us to scan the barcode on the table to see the menu.
After taking our order and asking if we want anything else, I point at my phone and ask if she can leave us a menu just in case.
I think I wrote my first dad joke original on something new to this changing world!
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︎ Jun 05 2020
Sheepβs name at local fair.
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︎ Aug 26 2019
Lol dunno how to repost, Iβm fairly new to reddit
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︎ Jul 22 2019
The county fair had some interesting shows
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︎ Jul 02 2019
found at my sisters book fair
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︎ Sep 28 2019
You can't not say it
In a freak accident today,a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.
To be fair,the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
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︎ Feb 23 2021
We named our band Windmill
So people would assume we had a fairly large fan base
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I'm done with dating mermaids.
I'm ready for A riel woman.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
A vampire was giving a presentation at a career fair.
The vampire, being hundreds of years old, had decided to conduct an experiment to see which career path was the most rewarding. He had every degree and certification you could imagine, but he settled on a surprising choice: cleaning mirrors.
When questioned, he said, "There's something about cleaning a mirror that just speaks to me. Not only can you see your progress as you go, I just know I'm helping someone see their true selves, for better or worse. I'm as surprised as you are, it's not a job I could ever see myself doing."
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︎ Feb 07 2020
"A Riot an the Renaissance Faire!"
Police intervened before anyone began luting.
(Stolen from today's Shoe comic strip... But too good not to share.)
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︎ Jan 10 2020
man remember when we got knocked out of the world cup, shit wasn't fair..
They made us play against Trinidad AND Tobago
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︎ Jan 17 2020
The plane I was on had a fairly hard landing...
Flight attendant gets on the intercom:
βThat was not the Captainβs fault. That was not our fault. That was the asphalt.β
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︎ Dec 22 2019
My office has a fairly server mouse infestation.
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︎ Jul 11 2017
I just returned from my MIL's funeral, she was hit on the head during a tennis match & killed
It was a lovely service...
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Spotted at the county fair. He's probably part of the Hay-waymen
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︎ Jul 31 2019
I once heard a man insult the loveable Terry Crews. I waanted to beat the shit out of him, but I knew karmic justice would judge him fairly.
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︎ Nov 15 2019
Why do they call them fun fair games when none of them are actually fair...?
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︎ Feb 11 2019
Got my girl to roll her eyes with this one at the fair.
There were costumed food characters on stage in a cooking demonstration at the fair we were at (ice cream, churro, orange, and really round corn on the cob).
As the corn character was introduced, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Aww shucks, that corn is a little husky."
The immediate look of disdain and the eye roll from her is my reason for living.
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︎ Jul 18 2016
If Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII was involved with politics, heβd be a republican.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
Fair enough
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︎ Apr 19 2019
Why can't blind people eat ocean fish?
Because it's see-food!
my 11 year old daughter ran in here while cooking greens and dropped that knowledge on us. I couldn't be more proud lol.
edit: just wanted to let those of you who have is awards that I appreciate it! I told my daughter about them and she asked if she can keep telling jokes for me to put on here lol. should get fairly interesting.
thanks all. I hope you had a great turkey gobble day
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︎ Nov 27 2020
What a down to Earth guy
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︎ May 17 2020
My dad never loved me as a child..
In fairness, I wasnβt born until he was an adult
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︎ Jul 10 2020
If a guy is addicted to masturbating but then gets addicted to sex, is it fair to say
His addiction got out of hand
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︎ Mar 04 2019
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.
To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
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︎ Oct 09 2020
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