The Ferrets Wheel
Of all people, you’d think they’d appreciate a period joke
That’s a lot of wasted votes
Mississippi
They didn’t do anything.
They divided the duties equally: one was the fish friar, and the other was
the chip monk!
Carnival
The vampire, being hundreds of years old, had decided to conduct an experiment to see which career path was the most rewarding. He had every degree and certification you could imagine, but he settled on a surprising choice: cleaning mirrors.
When questioned, he said, "There's something about cleaning a mirror that just speaks to me. Not only can you see your progress as you go, I just know I'm helping someone see their true selves, for better or worse. I'm as surprised as you are, it's not a job I could ever see myself doing."
They made us play against Trinidad AND Tobago
There is only 1 fathers day in a year but every week its sunday
They scan the room and approach the table of an available recruitment officer. "Hello gentlemen, please have a seat and we can begin." The two men sit in the chairs and pull up to the table. "Now," says the recruitment officer, "hopefully we can find employment for both of you based on your prior work experience. We have a wide variety of jobs available. I'll ask you some questions and we can go from there." The two men nod eagerly in agreement. The officer turns to the first man. "Can you tell me what you did for work before today?" "I'm a pilot," the man replies. "Oh, that's great," the officer exclaims, "I already know that we are definitely looking for pilots!" He takes some notes and turns to the second man. "And can you tell me what you did for work before today?" "I'm a wood cutter," the man says in reply. "Oh, dear," the officer says, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, but we have don't have any positions like that. I'm afraid we can place your friend, but not you." "That's impossible!" the man sputters in disbelief. "I'm sorry, sir. There's nothing I can do." says the officer. "We aren't currently looking for any wood cutters." "But that's insane!" the man shouts in frustration. "If I don't cut the wood, how is he supposed to pile it?"
There were costumed food characters on stage in a cooking demonstration at the fair we were at (ice cream, churro, orange, and really round corn on the cob).
As the corn character was introduced, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Aww shucks, that corn is a little husky."
The immediate look of disdain and the eye roll from her is my reason for living.
It’s kinda a big dill
It's an exercise in feudality!
His addiction got out of hand
Dad: "That isn't very nice but it's a reasonable fat simile."
It's the first annual Cowtography competition.
but the shorter answer is “no”.
It was no big dill
Thyme thyme thyme thyme thyme thyme thyme thyme thyme?”
All-thyme classic
They’re bi-assed.
It’s not going cheap!
To keep it a fair fight.
Have it decided by a jury of his piers
As I was filling out the entry form, I said to the girl: "If I win this, I can re-tire!"
She didn't even acknowledge the joke.
Said the Russian who just got bad directions to the fair
After winning a live fish at the fair, my dad and his friends go out for dinner.
Dad: Do you serve fish here?
Waiter: Yes.
Dad: Ok great, (holds up fish) he'll have the steak.
It was his Frodo-Booth.
As we arrived at the fair there was a directional sign that said
Fair Parking $20 ->
To which I exclaimed "They call that fair parking!? That's a ripoff!"
Daughter #2: Dad you know why we shouldn't buy milk from that cow?
Me: "No sweetheart why"?
Daughter #2: "With a snicker". "Because it's spoiled"!
My wife: "Groan".
Daughter #3: "Mooooooooo".
Edit: Quotes as requested.
Whack-a-mol-ey
I'm doing a project that involves testing uv(a) rays on inside/outside cheek bacteria to see how much damage uv rays do. Thanks!
- Russian after being given bad directions to the fair
