The lumberjack stepped back and said, "really? well, you'll die a log."
This happened today and my son hated it, but it got a great laugh from my wife.
We were talking at lunch today and I asked my son how he felt being taller than his dad now. He said "I don't know". Just like a teenager would.
I told him in full dad joke mode that I was afraid he would be looking down on me now. He then said if you feel that way I will get you a step ladder. I said "that would work but then I would be your step dad!"
Damn near poked my eye out!
one asks another did the 4 year old treat you right? No,he flipped me off
Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"
Confused, I said “Why’d you call him earlier when his name’s Ryan??”
Get some taller ones!
A smooth boar rifle.
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
I said I wanted to take more programming classes because I really liked the one I took last year.
My offspring tells me they can't take any computer classes.
Confused, I asked why.
"Because I'm non-binary"
True story, happened last night. I have never been so proud.
"I have to live in a Sea Anemone to keep me safe from preditors"
Jelly Fish shows off its tanticles; "With fronds like these, who needs Anemones."
"I'm sorry little one"
"I'm a big metal fan"
Dave.
*joke from my 10 year old
He wouldn't open up..
I told her I don't work in a bakery
Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?
"No... Why..?"
Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?
But it's answer was just a bark
Edit:spelling
Shame, you'll dialogue!
Her: "You're a pretty strong swimmer"
Me: "Yeah but I never learned butterfly stroke"
Her: "Butterfly? You just...wing it"
We both looked at each other and snickered like children.
Title Edit: "My wife and I were talking"*
It's too deep for me
Talking about our dog, Baxter, who is deaf, a little clumsy, and a big goofball
Her: You know, maybe he does have some neurological issues.
Me: Maybe. But we wouldn’t know for sure unless we get a CAT-scan, and we’re too poor for that.
Her: Well, in this case it would be a DOG-scan, right?
Then she asked if I could take out the trash weekly.
then they asked which eye I shoot with. I said neither, I use my finger.
Super hot. We made plans to lift at the gym. She didn't show. That's when I knew we wouldn't work out.
...talking to the wine."
He was trying to see which way I was leaning
me: do you know the abbreviations for ohio and oklahoma?
friend: no
me: oh ok
1st blonde: "I'm going to be the first woman to land on the Sun."
2nd blonde: "Don't be stupid, you'll burn."
1st blonde: "Nah!! I've got a plan. I'm going at night."
1st kid: "Do you also pray before every meal?"
2nd kid: "NO, my mum knows how to cook. "
It means a lot to them.
I said, "well, speak of the devil!"
He won't stop droning on about it.
You know the drill
Tie his hands behind his back....
It's all about raisin awareness.
My friend says, did y'all know that in Australia they have a store called yute-r-us?
“No! Wait, I am kidding you. I’m a kid!”
I love this kid.
It was clear she thought the cat understood her.
I came inside and told my dog. We had a good laugh about that.
She told me to stop spelling, it was giving her a headache.
Me: “O K”.
