"No, I'm a talking tree, don't kill me!"

Shame, you'll dialogue!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lorelei178
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, โ€œNO! Donโ€™t chop me down! Iโ€™m a talking tree!โ€

The lumberjack responded, โ€œAnd you will dialogue.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/articElite0
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2020
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So i was just talking to my dad and he asks me if the sunroof in my new car leaks, i told him no.

He says "thats good because then it would be a rain roof"....

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SharpeF
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 21 2020
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This sub has literally no idea what they're talking about.

I hope our regular teacher gets well soon.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/catch22milo
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 10 2017
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My Mom has no problem talking about his recent the sex-change operation.

He's quite TransParent about it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rebelyrocks
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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Walking by a camp site, I realized we were no longer thinking of the present because suddenly we were talking in

past tents.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrBooks72
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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Father talks to his 5-year-old son: โ€œNo, Petie, you donโ€™t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed.

It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Phenix_Flare
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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Talk no jutsu
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DevangAbhyankar
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2020
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I've heard so much about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one talks aboutโ€ฆ

โ€ฆthe other four letters?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 569
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 02 2020
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Why did no one talk to the Cutless

Because it doesnโ€™t go straight to the point

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/have_a_nice_day123
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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My doctor told me I'm going deaf.

The news was hard for me to hear.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JoeFas
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I always thought it was weird that no one talks about demons in Africa.

Then I remembered-they bless the rains down in Africa.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/the_kermit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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When Dumboโ€™s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.

It was the elephant in the womb.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sgri0b
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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There's two muffins baking in an oven

"Holy smokes it's hot in here" - One muffin says to the other That muffin replies "No way! A talking muffin!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ginger-Beefcake
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2021
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A man walks into a bar

A man walked into a bar with his dog and ordered a few drinks. At the end of the night, when he got the tab, he was astounded at the $50 check. He calls the bar tender over hoping to strike a deal. โ€œBartender, I only have 20 bucks I canโ€™t pay for this drink. Letโ€™s make a deal, if my dog can talk then youโ€™ll let me have my drinks for free.โ€ The bartender states, โ€œthere is no way that damn dog can talk! Pay me the money!โ€ The man in response states, โ€œNo no sir, watch. Spots, what kind of situation are you in when you didnโ€™t study for a test?โ€ The dog, โ€œRuff!โ€ The man carries on the bit, โ€œSee bar tender my dog can talk! Youโ€™re in a rough situation when you donโ€™t study!โ€ The bartender, โ€œNow boy donโ€™t play with me now, just pay your tab, that dog canโ€™t talk!โ€ โ€œWell here, Iโ€™ll prove it to you. Spots, what texture is sandpaper?โ€ โ€œRuff!โ€ The bartender reaches hand over the counter, almost touching the man, โ€œI wonโ€™t ask again sir.โ€ โ€œI have one more, just watch. Spots, who is the best baseball player?โ€ โ€œRuff!โ€ The bartender, done being fooled with, throws the man in his dog out of the bar, taking all his money. He looks at his dog sadly, โ€œsorry spots, I guess he doesnโ€™t believe you can talk...โ€ The dog looks up, confused, โ€œmaybe I shouldโ€™ve said DiMaggio.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DorkeyTree
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2021
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I tried out a weight watchers group therapy session but no one would talk about their experiences.

There were just too many elephants in the room

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/The_Nightman_82
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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Twins

Tito and Alex were talking about their families. Tito asked Alex if he had any children. Alex repliedโ€ yes, I have identical twin sons named Amal and Juanโ€ . Tito asked Alex if he had any pictures of his sons. Alex produced a single picture and saidโ€ this is a picture of Juanโ€. Tito asked Alex if he had a picture of Amal. Alex repliedโ€no, if youโ€™ve seen Juan, youโ€™ve seen Amal.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WaterBoarder1969
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2021
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Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were down on their luck.

They took one of their prized possessionsโ€”The Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamondsโ€”to a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.

The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."

Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"

The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JoshWithaQ
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12 2021
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My College Internship Almost Ruined My Life

I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.

When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.

The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.

Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.

After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.

Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.

Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!

I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instrumentsโ€”but it sure might be sheep or goat.

Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.

I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.

I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????

So I fucking called the museum

got the guy who interviewed me on the lineโ€”and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?

He said, yes, BUT.......

"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yungcfa
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2021
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Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason...
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vshesha
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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"That was so baaaad, Dad"

I remembered a good Dad joke moment.

My wife and I had picked up our daughter and two of her friends. They were in the back of our minivan.

My wife inquired about one of the kids mothers that she was friends with since we hadn't seen them in a while. They moved because of work to another town.

I guess the job was going well and they were making a good deal of money. The kid said, "She doing good, but she's spending a lot of money. She remodeled the kitchen and bought 4K TVs."

They kept chatting lightly and when there was a lull in conversation, I quietly said, "That's a lot of TVs." Just loud enough for everyone to hear but not loud enough to really demand anyone listen.

But then it happened. An uncomfortable pause - the fabled pregnant pause - and they started talking again. No one said anything about it but I knew it landed.

After we dropped the kids off, the first thing my daughter said, "That was SO bad. "

This was at LEAST 10 minutes after I said it. She had been thinking about that joke the whole time. She said the other kids were like looking around like WTF?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/loosebag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I had to have talk with the principal over my policy of giving no A's on my tests.

"Mr. Smith, if you want to keep your job as the grammar teacher, you need to start teaching the ENTIRE alphabet."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MightyOtaku
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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You know why no one ever talks about pencils?

Because the point has already been made.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GunnerJohnny24
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
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Supermilk

I am a bit proud of what I achieved today. I promise that this is spontaneous to me, even though I might have heard the word somewhere else.

So my older children are up and waiting for breakfast, and they started talking about a game variety of Parkour, and the word โ€œlegendaryโ€ is being thrown around casually. So I ask them if they know what legendary means, and my son says, after a minute of thinking, that it means very amazing. I answered, โ€œNo, legendary means super famous milk.โ€ Took them half a minute to figure out and I got the biggest groans ever!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Damark81
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Why was no one interested in the sanitation talk?

Because no one wanted to hear someone talk shit on stage. (OC)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/live4lifelegit
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 28 2015
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My daughter just hit me with this over dinner.

We're sitting around having dinner, and my wife isn't feeling great about the cooking. My daughter (6) starts critiquing the sauce, talking about what she doesn't like. I told her that sometime you have to read the room and see whether people want their cooking criticized.

She looks at me and says "Dad, you can't read a room if there are no letters in it" and starts giggling.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MatMonkey
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Curious

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/spazpekker
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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The double pun
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ryyi23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? Heย must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasnโ€™t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that canโ€™t stay in one place? A Roaminโ€™ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. Iโ€™ll do algebra, Iโ€™ll do trig. Iโ€™ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because sheโ€™ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? Itโ€™s a shame theyโ€™ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. Whatโ€™s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? Theyโ€™d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where itโ€™s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because youโ€™re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/InvestWithArihant
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because theyโ€™ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his โ€œpromposalโ€ special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that sheโ€™s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, heโ€™s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesnโ€™t return his feelings? What if she thinks heโ€™s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and heโ€™s even more anxious. Itโ€™s dark, itโ€™s loud, itโ€™s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks itโ€™s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying sheโ€™s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if sheโ€™d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like heโ€™s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesnโ€™t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side

So I crashed the car and didn't talk to her all day for no reason.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Roland_248
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasnโ€™t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didnโ€™t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, โ€œHoney, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?โ€

He hadnโ€™t and said so. Then she said, โ€œTomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what sheโ€™s really doing.โ€

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. โ€œWell, is she selling drugs?โ€ she asked excitedly.โ€

โ€œNo, sheโ€™s not.โ€ he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

โ€œWell, what is it, then?โ€ his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. โ€œHer name is Sally and sheโ€™s selling batteries.โ€

โ€œBatteries?โ€ cried the wife.

โ€œYes,โ€ he replied. โ€œShe sells C cells by the Seashore.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AustralianGroan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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I dad jokes my dentist while she was actively working on me.

Scene- Me, at dentist, having teeth removed. She was having a bit of trouble with some of them and this was while she had instruments in my mouth. There's some pain after maximum amount of anesthetic she can give me. Asks me how I'm doing.

Me- There is some pain in the teeth after numbing but it isn't anything I can handle.

Dentist- Last time you were here we didn't have a problem but this time your teeth are being a major pain in the butt.

Me- My teeth are a pain in the butt? No wonder people say I talk out of my ass way too much.

She had to stop for a bit to finish laughing.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nodnarb232001
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Two electrons

Two electrons are talking to each other

The first one points to a proton and says "Do you want that charge?"

The second one points to an antiproton and says "No, discharge"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Anti-charizard
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Wife and I were driving past a buffalo farm...

Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"

Me: "No... They're made of buff."

She didn't talk to me the whole way home.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DuctTapeNinja99
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but Iโ€™m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, โ€œConstipationโ€? Well it doesnโ€™t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said โ€œNo, doc, itโ€™s dis knee.โ€

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donโ€™t cause reactions, after all.

Whatโ€™s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why canโ€™t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donโ€™t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I canโ€™t stop reading books with female protagonists! Iโ€™m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fightโ€ฆ 21.

My friend told me, โ€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!โ€ So I said, โ€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!โ€

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bondโ€ฆ ionic bond. โ€œTaken, not shared.โ€ What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santaโ€™s sleigh cost? $0, itโ€™s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

Iโ€™m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iโ€™m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatโ€™s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatโ€™s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kinjago
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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I went to a open home and the retail salesman showed me around.

I asked the retail salesman "what's up stairs?"

He replied "no, the stairs dont talk"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/C9SF-Dr0p
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Dad jokes...on him

My father is fond of jokes and pranks (even though I only pretend to laugh .-.) but there's this story that I always would genuinely laugh at whenever it is brought up. So here it goes...

We've always gone to Church every Sunday when we were kids and on one of those Sundays, my father decided to make my mother laugh by shaving only HALF of his beard. So while the other side has hair, the other is shaved. He casually walked up to my mother and asked if he looked good in his "new fashion style." My mother laughed so hard she couldn't breathe.

When that was over, we got ourselves ready and went to Church. While praying, there was a bunch of people looking at my father. He noticed that as soon as he looked at those people, they'd cover their face, bow their heads and walk away. He felt weird. So he got into this 'thinking position' where he had his hands to play with his beard. And that's when he realized...HE FORGOT TO SHAVE THE OTHER HALF AT HOME AND NO ONE NOTICED UNTIL WE GOT THERE. HAHAHHAHAHA He was so embarassed, he covered his whole face until mass was over.

That's all folks. Thank you for coming to my dad talks .

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thecember
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 68
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Road trip.

I was talking with a friend. He said he wanted to surprise his wife with a trip up north, to the land of the midnight sun. I said "Alaska?" he said "NO! DONT! I said I want it to be a surprise!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/breakone9r
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 02 2020
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Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason.

Yeah me too.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 40
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Pratik007789
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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