To which season is bowtie pasta best suited?

It's for fall!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twitchard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I don't think I'm well-suited for this job as a newspaper editor.

Even my blood is a Type O!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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Which type of weather is best suited to a pandemic?

Isolated showers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Koala_J
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Thought that this is better suited here /r/Jokes/comments/egxhk5/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bapposhallhacko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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I tried to be a tailor, but i just wasn't suited for it.

Eh, it was a sew-sew job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whydoesthousmell
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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What yard work is a cow best suited for

Mooing the law

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Thought this suited here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuRetHypoThetiK
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Which superhero is best suited to defeat the frost giants?

Thor

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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Which singer would be best suited for the roman military?

Britney Spears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/apan145
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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I told my suit cases just how There will be no holiday this year

I'm now dealing with emotional baggage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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What do you call a pregnant person in a suit of armour?

Bump in the knight

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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Why do Russian airline pilots wear wet suits when they fly?

Because zey be flying in the Jetski's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatProtomolecule
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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What do you call a chair in a suit?

A tux - seat - o

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbot-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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When I came to the cruise party with an eyepatch on and a cutlass only to see everyone in suits and ties,

I realized I was dressed inappropirately

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnificent-Moe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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What is the Latin word for "one-piece bathing suit"?

Bikinus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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Why do they call the top rooms in a hotel the suite?

'Cause when you open the door to walk in you say .... 'sweeeeet'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sharpie65
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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I'm not supposed to eat anything too suite.

I've got typo diabetes.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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The composer whom best suits this pandemic is...

Drycoughski.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tawdry-eloquence
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Did you see the latest fashion trend is adhesive based dresses and suits?

From what I heard they’re a bit tacky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheesydoodlers
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Honey where's my super suit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squiffy_Can
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What does a suit like to have for lunch?

Tie food

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shotintheship
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I personally think that beekeeper suits are ugly as hell, but hey...

Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T0BBER
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.

On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoElseButAlf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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How did Santa's reindeer look when they got 3 piece tailored suits?

Dashing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenthegreen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Why did Magneto stop wearing his purple suit?

Because the days of fuchsia past

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I resigned from the ironing board.

Too many pressing issues and no way to de crease the number of suits against us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Darth Vader's suit seems pretty expensive

Must have cost him an arm and a leg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ferdaaron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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It is rumored that the worst secretaries have typo blood.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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I imagine when Microsoft's co-founder Mr.Gates gets a suit tailored, they must fit him perfectly.

They have to fit the Bill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.

I hate knight shifts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?

Egg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisRockley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Why did J. S. Bach always wear really skimpy bathing suits?

He loved to feel the air on the G string.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Boy. I bet Anakin Skywalker must have paid a lot of money for his suit.

I think It may have cost him a couple arms and a couple legs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valbranz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I said to my wife β€œI hate to tell you this babe, but your bathing suit is too revealing and tight”

She said β€œthen wear your own one then”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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What do you call a wolf that models suits?

A wear wolf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealBobbyC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop coughing when he went to try his new suit?

He had a coughing fit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunytou
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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What do you call a car being driven by a sheep wearing a swim-suit?

A Lamb Bikini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/studentadvisor101
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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A joke about a suit that doesn’t fit?

Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as I’ve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I don’t remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didn’t fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but he’d always make this really theatrical voice and yell β€œhey! what did you do to my new suit?!” If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/missjayelle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Who gets jazzed up to dry off people in suits of armor after dark?

A knight towel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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What would you do if your bathroom suite turned up at the front door?

Just let that sink in...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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What’s Ironman without his suit?

Stark naked

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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