Found in my neighbour's shop, in his late 70s and still punning strong
Legend says , he is still 0K.
As the cop knocked on my door, I just stayed in complete silence. He then knocked again. Determined not to give myself away, I just stayed still.
Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."
Mee: "You are not coming in."
Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"
Is this sub still active?
Haven't seen anyone post all year!
(Happy New Year from Australia everyone!)
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she was still alive today?
Probably scratching the inside of her coffin.....
why do poets never keep there weapons still?
They want to be like shake spear
It's 5AM and I'm still doing my dyslexia homework
I haven't spelt all night.
What a lad being a ruthless guy
I got the word “Ouch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My dad asked me if it still hurts.
I told him yes, but it’ll heel.
My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.
He drinks straight from the bottle.
Can I still make a Suez Canal joke?
I still don't have a gig :(
https://preview.redd.it/tk1v0lp7h1o61.jpg?width=505&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=530120c95be4cb518e38750c9bec9a38d1d07d6a
Just found out im still a part of the catholic church even though ive been an atheist for years...
...guess you could call me a serial sinner
Dad’s old postcard still cracks me up
I'm bald but I still carry around my comb...
I just can't part with it.
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
An unintended yet still intended pun
THIS JUST IN: A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $100,000 in large bills.
Still got many things on my bucket list
This pun is a little cheesy but still grate
Female Twitter post...Do men still open car doors ?
Comment: "Well yeah! How the fuck do we get inside?"
What do you call a flamingo that is standing still?
It’s been years since the show ended, and I’m a little annoyed that people are still making ‘Friends’ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She smiled and answered...
Still better than an Immature Evacuation
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still don’t get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
Bill Gates meets Arnold Schwarzenneger at a party and asks him if he's upgraded to Windows 10 yet? Big Arnie replies.......
"Ah still love Vista Baby....."
What does a clock do when he's still hungry
My friend asked me if Princess Bride jokes are still a thing
I said, “they’re mostly dead”
What’s the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?
If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Who lost their vision but was still able to see?
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
In 2017 I didn't jog. In 2018 I didn't jog. In 2019 I didn't jog. In 2020 I still haven't jogged.
My high school bully still takes my lunch money.
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
My ex-wife still misses me
But her aim is starting to improve.
My ex wife still misses me....
But, her aim is getting better.
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
People ask me why I still work as a mailman,on such low salary.
I tell them : "Its not about the money; Its about sending a message"
I just realized that my calculator is missing the minus button.
But on the plus side, it still works.
I got the word “Ouch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My son asked me if it still hurts.
I told him yes, but it’ll heel.
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.
He just can't part with it.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
I can’t believe people are still making “Friends” references 15 years after the show ended.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
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