Found in my neighbour's shop, in his late 70s and still punning strong
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
My high school bully still takes my lunch money.
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
I can’t believe people are still making “Friends” references 15 years after the show ended.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
SpaceX's rocket was designed to be as wide as it could be and still be transported on the roads.
So when the boss wanted to make it larger, they had to elongate it.
My wife asked how many Indian flatbreads do we still have at home,
My ex wife still misses me.
But her aim is getting better!
How can Jedis swing so lightly with a lightsaber and still cut through everything so easily.
They swing with alot of Force.
In 2017 I didn't jog. In 2018 I didn't jog. In 2019 I didn't jog. In 2020 I still haven't jogged.
Dining indoors is still sketchy
I got a vasectomy and my wife still doesn't know it.
I just dont have the balls to tell her.
I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet
Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?
What has 4 eyes but still can't see ?
What do you call a number that won't sit still??
A Roamin' Numeral.
(Apologies if it's an old joke. My daughter told me this today while doing online math class. THANKS COVID!!)
Everyone stay safe and healthy!
My 35-year boycott of Ferrari's and Lamborghini's is still going strong!
And will continue until they lower the price.
A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared “Stop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...
“Trump’s Not Down For the Count”
My grandma is in her 90’s and she still doesn’t need glasses.
She just drinks straight out of the bottle.
After WWII some of Hitler’s extended family was still alive. How many Hitlers could still be alive today?
I’m not certain, but I believe there are Führer than there used to be!
I want to start a career as a counterfeit poetry books salesman, but I'm still undecided.
There's lots of prose and cons.
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
If Ben Franklin were still alive today, what would he be best known for?
I can still remember the time I undercooked my French bread.
A guy once paid 10,000 Bitcoin for a pizza when it was still cheap...
That pizza shop must be swimming in dough.
A bunch of male ducks teased me today because I still watch Nickelodeon.
I ignored them because I don't have time for Drakes and Josh
People often ask me how I can play golf so much and still be so bad at it
I asked my local locksmith why he's still open during these crazy times. Turns out he's a key worker.
So is the piano shop owner next door.
I still experience long-lasting psychological effects from having a childhood friend that took offense at everything I did.
My doctor calls it Irritable Pal Syndrome.
My ex-wife still misses me...
BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!!
(gravity falls, anyone?)
My friend told me, “You have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.”
It was a third degree burn.
After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and still he kept it beside him the rest of his life...
...he just couldn't part with it.
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...
It was stolen from right under my nose.
I spent four months working out and still haven't got any abs...
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
Why are old dad jokes still allowed to be told?
Because they are grandfathered in!
My four year old has been learning Spanish for a year, and he still can’t say ‘please’
I think that’s poor for four
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.
I can’t believe it’s not better.
I can’t believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
My 4 year old son has been learning spanish all year and he still can’t say the word please.
Which i think is poor for four
My Spanish friends little boy still can't say please....
And I think it's poor for four.
My four year old has been learning Spanish and still can’t say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
I lost all my hair years ago, but I still carry a comb.
It’s been more than 15 years since the show was over, but people are still making ‘Friends’ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
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