I recently staged an intervention for my religious feline addict.
Needless to say, he's not a Catholic anymore.
My family staged an intervention because I tell too many dad jokes.
Joke's on them, there's no such thing as On-and-On Anon
What did I do when my co-workers at the candy factory staged a strike to protest the commercialization of Easter Sunday?
What would Gordon Ramsay’s stage name be if he was a wrestler?
The sound from a musician on stage bounces off an auditoriums walls to surround the audience, however
The sound from a pigeon does not, because a coo sticks.
If jesus was a rapper, what would be his stage name?
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said
I just found out that Bill Nye is just a stage name.
His real name is William New Year’s Eve.
Jokes about bipedalism are the best jokes to tell on stage.
They form the basis of standup comedy.
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
It occurs to me at this stage the election has become sexist.
All I see are male in ballots.
What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?
Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!
Did you hear about Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend breaking into an animal shelter and releasing a bunch of huskies into the wild??
Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out
Watching a little tadpole swim around from one stage of life to another is fascinating.
I just love watching the frogress.
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
What is the quickest stage of the Tour de France
Did you here? They made a stage production of the dictionary.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
There are 4 stages of life and they all involve Santa.
-
You believe in Santa.
-
You don’t believe in Santa.
-
You are Santa.
-
You look like Santa.
What happened to the cobra comedian when it bombed on stage?
The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...
Rimshot
The seasoned comedian at a night club was telling the new guy, “If you want a good spot in the line up, you’ll have to suck up to the club manager.”
“No way! I’m no brown noser. In fact, I’m writing this into my next routine, that’ll show her.”
He went back to his room and started thinking and writing.
The next weekend the old comedian was surprised when the new guy was first up on stage. He went through his routine flawlessly, never saying a mean word against the club’s manager... In fact he thanked her repeatedly.
The old comedian was astonished and asked, “What happened?”
“Well I wanted to stand my ground, ...but, um... bum kissed”
The roosters and hens were staging an uprising...
They called it a chicken coup
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
My wife just informed me that “terrible two” refers to a kids in a specific developmental stage
And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times
Of all the things I learned while in grade school...
I never thought trying to avoid cooties would be the most useful thing at this stage of my life.
A comedian would do a set, each show, where he sprinted to either side of the stage with his mouth tied up.
My 8yr old daughter got me with "I can breathe under water"
She filled a cup of water placed it on her head and began to violently and rapidly breathe in and out. The force is strong with her.
Why do we say break a leg in the theatre?
Its because everyone in the play is in a cast
We have reached a stage of enlightenment ladies and gentlemen
Lily's fatal Greek mythology school play.
Lily liked Greek mythology a lot. Her favorite character was the titaness Rhea. She loved the story about her outsmarting Cronus with a stone in order to get her children back. She loved it so much in fact, that for the sake or realism, she decided to eat some rocks too for the upcoming school play she took part in! But, very soon after going onto the stage, poor Lily started convulsing on the floor. It was a poor decision to eat the stones. She knew that. But at least, she could die a Rhea.
.
.
.
I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.
I was at a concert of which a Scandinavian woman was playing on stage, one of my friends turns to me and remarks “I wonder if she’s from Sweden” another friend says “maybe Norway?” My final friend asks “do you thinks she’s Finnish?”
I boastfully reply “I fucking hope not she’s only been on five minutes”
How do chickens overthrow their leader?
Just happened: my contractor broke a window during our nearly complete renovation
He turned to me and said it's no problem. At this stage it's just a pane.
Hey... Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage!
I hope they practiced their frequency before going on stage (image is not mine)
I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today...
I left without making a scene.
I just found out that Bill Nye is just his stage name.
His real name is William New Years Eve.
The three stages of man:
-
He believes in Santa.
-
He doesn't believe in Santa.
-
He is Santa.
Why do they say “break a leg” in theatre?
Because every play has a cast
The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this.
The reason is a coo sticks.
Today I found out that Bill Nye is a stage name.
His real name is William New Years Eve.
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