Back in the day when sparrows had names, sparrows named Gus wouldn’t fare too well.

People love eating Asparagus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiFraggiPrutto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Jack sparrow
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eatadickandgodie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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Sparrows (xpost /r/comics) imgur.com/anLnTyT
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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Captain Jack Sparrow would be proud reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NinjaButNotReally
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Jack sparrow
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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Jack Sparrow would be a great philosopher

His thoughts are very depp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vvt2003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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If a highly skilled bird lands on your father’s sweater...

That’s a pro sparrow on your fleecy dad. Looking forward to a happy 2021!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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What do you call a pirate on drugs?

Crack Sparrow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natopotatomusic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Sorry not sorry
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, you’re allowed to watch the TV all you want… Just don’t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I don’t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that society’s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasn’t offered a job? They just couldn’t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteries… Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rival’s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. β€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?” But this god, like all gods, is nothingβ€”just my son’s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vorschlaghammer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Einstein:"What do you call a bird that doesn't eat?" spinnerdisc.com/einstein3…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ask-a-physicist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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Did you hear about the bird over selling pirated dumbbells?

Police fear they'll never be able to apprehend Jacked Sparrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clockworkcarrot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
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What do you call a pirate on drugs?

Crack Sparrow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natopotatomusic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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