What's something a drug dealer would never ask?
You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
I had a kernel of energy left so I created something amaizeing and ear-resistable.
I learned something new about cemeteries; the people in its town aren't the ones being buried there. Do you know why?
It's because they're still alive.
I have a picture with me standing and solar panels in the background. Please suggest something punny.
Something I've always wonder about rubberbands...
What kind of music genre are they?
My favorite song goes a little something like this: "De Spa..."
How did the father coffee bean punish his son when he did something wrong?
So I ask for something easy at a restaurant, and the server recommends “well the chicken strips for 6$”
“Maybe it will but it doesn’t help with my hunger”
What's something you should never say to a blind girlfriend?
I think we should see other people.
What is yellow and something you shouldn't drink?
I’m reading a horror story in Braille, something bad is going to happen
I can feel it
Credits- u/Wyzeman3283
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
How do you call something that makes a lot of sense for people who know how to count if you dont?
I posted something on here the other day and didn’t get a single upvote
My dad worked in a pizza shop through college so he could afford to eat something other than ramen.
He was kneading the dough.
What is something that is only considered positive during this pandemic?
Being negative and smelling like alcohol.
🇨🇦 Is Parliament something…
My dad always said to me: You have to have something for a rainy day
Today I made him proud..
I bought an umbrella
Shamelessly stolen on twitter, no clue about who did that. I have to dig something here...
Good advice is something a person gives....
......when they are too old to set a bad example.
Sometimes people go fishing to catch something.
Sometimes people go fishing to catch something.
And sometimes they go just for the halibut.
What is something that Japan produces more than other countries?
How does a baby look something up?
They "Goo Goo" it.
[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]
If you download something illegally on a samsung smart fridge
Is that copyright infridgement?
How do you call it when Superman is unable to do something?
Wanna hear something ironic?
A man was seen doing something curious on a flight to Europe
Before boarding the plane, he threw some salt off the flight bridge
After they landed, he tossed some paprika
On the next leg, some nutmeg and a pinch of cumin.
The flight crew saw the combination, there was only one conclusion they could make...
He was a seasoned traveler
Not a repost, it's a crosspost or something, anyway, enjoy.
Patient: “Doctor! Somethings wrong! I’m shrinking!”
Doctor: “Take it easy, sir. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”
The hungry hungry hippos always have something to say when other hippos eat as much as they do
They're very hippo critical
Wanna know something about the Among Us ghost chat?
It's usually pretty dead.
What is something witches can say about themselves that most americans can not?
IntellectuaL or something like that IDK I'm not that smart
My son asked me for something hard to write on
I don't know why he got so mad, sand is pretty hard to write on
I couldn’t remember this guys name but knew it was Nate Gold-something.
What is something a Christian kid plays?
What does Ironman replies when he doesn't know something?
My husband is always supportive when I am into something new.
He says: "Do whatever you want. Just leave me alone".
A little something I Whipped up
What can you attach to a ball, a harp, or a cart to make something completely different?
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
I lost a few digits recently when something heavy dropped on my foot. Today I got prosthetics for them.
Comment below if you’d like to see photos of my faux toes.
You know what you should do if you want to really study something?
I’m at wedding and I’m very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.
I can’t find the punchline.
Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it's almost always an eyelash...
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