She's So California Puns

Instructor: Only true champagne comes from Champagne Italy, everything else is called sparkling wine.

raise my hand

Me: where are these ones from?

Instructor: Those three are from California.

Me: So the rest of these are just Sham-pagnes?

Whole room groans, gf says she's never taking me to these again.

I grew up in Northern California and have visited the Monterey Bay Aquarium a few times as a kid.

Every. Goddam. Time. My dad would pause in front of the jellyfish tank and say "You kids think these are cool, wait till you see the peanut butter fish. Maybe they will make you a sandwich."

So on saturday my mom and dad accompanied me and my family there for the first time in years. When we got to the jellyfish I was ready, and beat my dad to the punch. My three year old thought I was serious of course, but my five year old daughter is pretty sharp and she called me out.

My dad leaned down and congratulated her for not being duped. He then said "Let's go check out the tuna tank." My daughter got excited and said "They have TUNA?!"

Grinning, my dad said "Yes sweetheart, and just like at Red Lobster, you get to pick which one you want and they will make you a sandwich."

The old man has still got it.

Wife and I were at the grocery store and she finds a bad of tiny apples (about the size of strawberries).

Wife: "Look at these mini-apples! So cute"

Me: "I wonder where these mini-apples are made...?"

Wife (checks the bag): "It says California here"

Me: "Nope, definitely not California."

Wife (confused): "What do you mean...?"

Me: "They are obviously made in Minneapolis."

Wife (groans): "Walked right into that one"

I was registering a vehicle to my name that I bought off a guy who had a lean out on it. The credit union who was holding the title took forever and a day to send it my way. Well in California, you need to transfer the vehicle in under five days of the purchase. Unknowingly, I waltz into the joint expecting a boom bam thank you ma'am process. Low and behold the clerk says I owe a hundred and some odd bucks for being late, but I explained her the situation and since it was not my fault she flopped the form to waive this fee.

I saw my opportunity and I pounced...

"So this is the....Tidal Wave?"

I get a blank stare for a solid ten seconds and she slaps down another form saying that I owe 500 dollars in taxes. Good ol' California DMV.