Right back at ya buckaroo
My phone battery is 69% right now
I stole a lawyer’s underwear right before court.
There’s no way he’ll succeed without his legal briefs.
we all know that song, right?
I broke 2 fingers on my right hand today
On the other hand everything is OK.
Happy Fathers Day everybody
the rest of the world gradually contracted coronavirus. china got it right off the bat.
Walked right into that one.
Asking the right questions
Now to find the right book store
Why did the Soviet Union not attack Germany right away?
I finally got the Spotify cake. You guys like my posts right?
Picking up my friend for work...he messaged me sayin he'd be right out, he was fixin' coffee...
So i asked "how'd it break?"
I have two right feet. I went to a bowling alley, they gave me two left shoes. I said “these aren’t right”
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"
[On the highway] My wife: Hey, you missed a right!
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!
What did the right eye say to the left one?
Between you and me man something smells
am I right ? of course Im on the left wing :D
Someone ran by and grabbed all of our masks right off our faces.
It was a de-mask-us steal.
Can I express the right orientation?
If you can't find the right book...
[Request] Right now we're all drinking Quarantinis. What will we drink when we get back together?
Did I do this right? I tried to do a name pun for the first time
What do you call potatoes you can’t eat right now?
I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it
I think aisle tell it later
I accidentally cut off my right hand today
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks
There is only one right I will do anything, even die, to obtain.
But that’s not important right now
At first glance, you may say this is a cantaloupe. I’m here to tell you right now that it’s a......”water” melon
Son: Dad, why is it called Right and Left?
Dad: Well son, back when I was a boy your Right hand was the right one to use, and if you didn't then your Left hand was the only one left.
To the right Paige(the person's name is paige)
I've been really struggling lately and nothing seems to be going right so my friend directed me to www.conjunctivitis.com.
It was a site for sore eyes
first post here, am i doing it right?
People are batshit crazy right now.
What do we want? Rights for midgets!
When do we want them?
Shortly!
All Right Then, Keep Your Secrets.
At one point, I had so much acne on my face, that a blind person mistook my right cheek for braille.
I was so embarrassed. Boy, was my face read
The police pulled up right next to me and my Yamaha on the shoulder of the highway today…
Apparently, it’s not the best place to play a keyboard…
Why are football stadiums all around the world really hot right now?
All the fans are at home.
"There's a 60% chance the killer shot the victim from this spot right here and a 40% chance he shot from over there", said the detective.
"This concludes my probaballistic report."
The essence of capitalism is right there in the Pledge!
I can't think of a good flower pun right now...
Every country will eventually get coronavirus, but china got it right off the bat
When I woke up from a car accident in a full body cast my wife was right there at my side
To let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
How do Right Said Fred like their eggs?
Want to know why being buried right now would be good?
Because you would be six feet away from everyone
You know the d-pad on a controller right?
Well mine seems to be missing. It must have just downright up and left.
Two wrongs don't make a right
I’m always right...
Except for this one time I thought I was wrong about something, but it turned out I was right.
My cousin got into a car accident and lost his entire left side, he kept saying he was all right but I didnt believe him so he just kept yelling at me.
'Stuff was completely one-sided
Everyone tells me I have the right to bear arms...
But I don’t want to fight a bear for his arms.
She just fantad right there on the sidewalk
I keep trying to make pound cake, but it never comes out right.
It's always off by a few ounces.
I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though
They got it right off the bat
If he turns right, the purchaser becomes purchaser rights
An absolute beast right there
While having dinner last night, my daughter looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" Proudly, I replied, "Yes, my little princess, yes I am!"
She continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
We've got pun dog...and now pun cat. You've cat to be kitten me right meow!
Why you booing me I'm right
Freezer, built to do one thing, can’t even do that right!
FREEZER BUUUUURRRRRNNNN!!!
Dad: Son, what be a pirate's favorite restaurant? Son: Arrrrby's! Dad: Correct! And what be a pirate's favorite animal? Son: Arrrrmadillo! Dad: Right again! But what be a pirate's favorite body part? Son: Easy. The arrrrrm!
Dad: You'd think it would be the arrrrm, but he's rather fond of the booty!
What did the right ear say to the left ear?
Hey! We live on the same block.
Have you heard of the guy who lost his left side? Yeah, he's all right now.
What should you do right after you have sex in a large formal dining room?
I’m so angry right now, someone broke into my house and stole my limbo stick...
What did the old surfer do right before he disappeared forever?
The doctor cut off both my right hand and my right leg
So with no rights im practically a woman
The company that made the lift in my house is called Schindler. Yup. That's right. It's a Schindler's lift.
I always yield to vehicles that look like they could crush my car. They have the right of weigh.
I hope this is the right sub
One of these new shoes isn't right
How do strippers decide on collective bargaining rights?
What company owns the rights to Super Bowl 59?
It's night, I'm hungry right now
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
There are so many businesses that deliver right now
but I'd really prefer to keep my liver.
Right now everyone in Cleveland is taking social distancing very seriously. Even the walkway around the lake is empty
He is right
Friend 1 : hey what are the effects of alziemer diesease
Friend 2 : sorry bro I cant remember
If you cut your left hand, your right hand will be left.
Similar to... cutting both your left arm and leg makes you alright...
My friend bet me a subway sandwich that I couldn't walk on a tightrope without falling. He was right.
[Driving] My wife: Hey, you missed a right.
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right.
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