A cabbage, a tomato, and a nose were having a race.

The cabbage was ahead, the nose was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Is it wrong to hate a certain race??

Because my knees can take 5K’s any more

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Branden_the_Dj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Once upon a time a lion and a cheetah had a race . This is what happened.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/radhikagi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brundonius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A big cat was spotted winning every race he ran.

He was a cheetah

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Perdue and Loeffler lost the Georgia race

And I’m laughing my Ossoff

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smorp_a_Dorp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called β€œOne Two Three”, the other β€œUn Deux Trois”. Which cat won?

β€œOne Two Three” because β€œUn Deux Trois” cat sank.

πŸ‘︎ 210
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LindsayLoserface
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Two silk worms had a race

They ended up in a tie!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZdogDaBoss623
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a tip for a horse in tomorrow’s big race, it’s won all its races, it’s called β€œdusty carpet”

It’s never been beaten.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elmachow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!

I was quicker to the draw.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snoo-lad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Which car race did Mufassa think about before dying

NASCAR

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/useralreadydead
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
And the race is on!
πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s crazy, all these people running these virtual races, starting all over the place.

Where do we draw the line?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gooeygargoyle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Of all the Tolkien-esque fantasy races out there, which ones are the most unique?

Gnomes.

There's no race like gnome.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dwarvenfriend
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Once upon a time in numberland, a three-person race was held

In it took part the Minus sign, and the numbers zero and -2. All three ended the race at precisely the same time.

-2, Minus Won; 0 Won Too.

(Reddit, I am counting on you to make this stupid joke popular!)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Race horse Pat

There was a race horse named Pat, who was one of the greatest race horses to ever live. He set records that were near impossible to beat. After a long time of racing, he retired to an old stable with some old friends. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him on all of his records that he set.

Once Pat retired, he started keeping track of all the up and coming horses that were winning a lot. There was a race horse named Charlie that was doing really great and winning all his races. Pat saw this horse and watched him race. Charlie started to break all of Pat’s records and Pat was a little upset with this.

After a while, Charlie decided to retire after an extremely successful career in racing. By chance, Charlie decided to retire at the same stable that Pat retired in. When Charlie entered the stable, everyone went up to him to congratulate him on his records and wins. Pat went up to Charlie and said, β€œHey Charlie congratulations on all of your wins! You broke a lot of my records and I was very impressed.” Charlie responds, β€œgo away old man, I’m better than you ever were.” Pat was blown away by his response. He galloped away from Charlie with defeat.

After a while of thinking, Pat decides to challenge Charlie to a race. Charlie agreed to it and wanted to race right away. He said β€œWe will race to the tree over there and turn around and come back and whoever gets there first will be the winner.” Pat was still healthy but he needed a few weeks to get his legs back into shape for the race. Charlie gives Pat 2 weeks to get ready.

After 2 weeks pass, they are ready to race. β€œHey Pat, before we race I want to warn you that I win my races by passing them by the end. So don’t get all cocky and think you are going to win.” Charlie says. Pat thanks him for the warning and they start getting set to race.

The gun sounds and they are off to race. Pat starts out in front, and nears the finish. Out of know where, Charlie zooms ahead of Pat and wins the race.

Pat was very disappointed in his loss, but congratulated Charlie anyways. A dog comes up to them and says, β€œWow, that was a fantastic race! Neither of you should be upset with that. You both were so great!” Charlie looks to Pat and Pat looks to Charlie. They are astonished. Charlie says, β€œSay that again! Say it again!” The dog says a little confused, β€œWell I just said that you both were so great out there.” Pat says, β€œCharlie! It’s a talking dog!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnappyOrange69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Lost a race to a catholic lady in long robes today

I thought I was the fastest, turns out I’m second to nun

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Had a race to see who could hang out our towels on the washing line quickest.

It was level pegging.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ReaperWright88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard that mixed race babies are really good looking.

So I enrolled both my kids in the hurdles and 100m sprint.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a drag race last Saturday...

I still can't believe the guy in high heels won.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What's it called when a bunch of obese people have a drag race?

The Fat And The Furious

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stewithclou
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the European win the race?

He Finnished first.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Physicsboy2018
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the mailman win the road race?

His car pushed the envelope.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I like to race electric cars in my free time.

I'm an e-racer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattA2930
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Warning: when you host a lobster race, all shell can break loose
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maddawg90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter won her first race

In her mother's womb.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ConfidentDuck1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a race car driver say when he has nothing else to say in an argument?

Mph.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustiniR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the barber win the race ?

He knew a short cut

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Believe it of not, the punchline is 22,112. "Wun-Wun" was one horse, "Tu-Tu" was one too. Wun-Wun won one race,

Tu-Tu won one too.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
An American cat named β€˜One-Two-Three’ and a French cat named β€˜Une-Deux-Troi’ are in a swimming race. Why did the American cat win?

Because Une-Deux-Troi quatre cinq.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Duzervee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?

Because it was wiped out

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soulfox1988
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The Tortoise : I won the Race...

The Hare : you beat me in the race but i had a nap, so who's the Real Winner.?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/europiece-of-shit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheEmperor_06
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ephen_stephen13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do 100m runners eat before a race?

Nothing. They fast.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ajokerfromengland
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do cross-country runners eat before a big race?

Nothing. They fast!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do runners eat the day before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/expired_lemonade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshy-Squashy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cats had a race across a river. Their names were "One Two Three" and "Un Deux Trois". Which one came first?

"One Two Three" did cos "Un Deux Trois" cat sank.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ABisset
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!

πŸ‘︎ 152
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruski_Oligarch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before they race?

Nothing. They fast.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What should runners eat before a race?

Fast food

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report

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