I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
She’s really milking it for all it’s worth.
When she removed the nozzle from the vehicle I guess some static electricity created a spark and started a fire near her gas cap. She tried to put it out, but her sleeve caught on fire. She started running around the store parking lot with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waiving a firearm in public.
He said it blows.
Inflation
They help you express yourself.
You just have to listen varicosely
A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping
It was a very fuelish mistake.
I know it's an old joke, I'm just milking it dry. I just think its dairy funny.
Inflation
But it's a bore
So my wife just got her breast pump all set up. She's got the double suckers rolling, tits out, milk flowing like a minor tributary. And I ASK "ARE YOU PUMPED?!" fucking genius.... She stared silently for like 10 seconds. Then told me to post here.
There was nothing coming out of the nozzle. I walked to the kiosk and i said, have you got your pumps on? He said, no, I'm wearing flip-flops
Pump kins
The nine button wasn’t working.
A Conversation I had with my Daughter when I dropped her off at school
Me: Hey so you know how your cats are always running around all over the place right?
Daughter: Yeah why?
Me: So When they stop moving are they on Paws?
Daughter: Face Palms and says "OKAY DAD BYEEE!!!"
Me: YESSSS! Fist Pump!
They'd received a tip about a bunch of Pumps and Hoses.
(I'm sorry. I just got off work, heard "pumps and hoses" on the radio, and a bad idea was born.)
Pump kin
He was a type 2 superconductor
Inflation
(Actual joke told by my dad today)
It’s because of inflation
He told me he deCAPitated it.
He liked to pump irony.
"Don't be upset, you're just compensating for inflation."
:|
Inflation.
