A plague-al cadence
Libman
When a thief is caught today, it’s not like the olden days. Now, you get a mugshot and housed in a jail cell. Then, they were just drawn and quartered.
He said: No, we haven't even got any leads.
And don't forget constitution.
& hence I don't care 'bout anything.
I made some progress initially, but lately it just feels like I'm going backwards
Sofa sew good.
I wasn't sure I was ready for that, so I asked her if I could start with amateur-gressive lenses first.
How much more jogging my memory must I do?
The student responded: 'thank you for asking, i'm doing excellent.'
A sea captain hunted for his white whale for decades. When he finally came upon it, a storm roared to life and began to toss his ship to and fro. A cannon came loose and crushed his leg.
He got the whale, and left behind a legacy.
((Work in progress. Just came to me during a conversation over a game of cards. Feedback welcome.))
Viscosity, because they’re resistant to Flo
It's Flo Rida
Authorities are saying it's race-related.
That's Snow Joke
Because it's 4/4.
Progressive Metal
They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.
What, it's still going on?
Isn't Wimble-done yet??
They did Nazi that coming.
(do I really need to spell this one out?)
I'm passive progressive
Guess it was Progressive.
We were better than The Cure
Present progressive: It is nothing Present simple: It noth
And that's a huge ass connection.
In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:
-
Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.
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Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.
-
Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.
Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.
In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.
To hide in a cherry tree!
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Works, don't it
Daughter: "Dad, maybe you don't update our progress every mile?"
Me: "Actually, I'm updating our progress every .1 of a mile. Does that make you tenth?"
Earned me the coveted groan with double eye roll...
The vampire, being hundreds of years old, had decided to conduct an experiment to see which career path was the most rewarding. He had every degree and certification you could imagine, but he settled on a surprising choice: cleaning mirrors.
When questioned, he said, "There's something about cleaning a mirror that just speaks to me. Not only can you see your progress as you go, I just know I'm helping someone see their true selves, for better or worse. I'm as surprised as you are, it's not a job I could ever see myself doing."
I have a good punch line but haven't been able to design a satisfying lead in for it:
Do you know why the string family decided to break up?
...
Apparently not (A parent-ly knot)
is progress the opposite of congress?
Congress.
Then the opposite of “progress” is “Congress”
(Dads can be woke too)
