Pepperoni Puns

Playing with a pizza chit

I call it “influen-za.”

Nice to meat you?

Because Pete’s a pan.

I could blame the oven but ultimately it’s salami.

Pepperlonely.

the woman states "sir this is a library"

the blind man replies "oh sorry, ^(can i have a pepperoni pizza please) "

A Papaeroni

Now it's a pepperlonely

Me: Couldn’t you have covered yourself with a blanket instead?

I have a pep in my step now.

R.I.P dad, Rest In Pizza.

but they only accepted cash

My dad just laid this one on me. Tonight for supper we had a pasta dish with mini pepperonis, cheese, sauce, etc. in it. Normally when my mom makes this she uses regular size pepperoni. I commented how much I liked the meal and she said "I don't know, I kinda like it better with the big pepperoni" to which my dad replies with "I like it better with the little pepperoni, but then again I'm not a big pepperoni fan." A universal sigh was heard around the table.

As a matter of fact, i just joined this sub today! And a few minutes ago, my dad came with a dad joke... timing couldn't be better!

Background: Tomorrow i'm going to Italy on and exchange trip. The guy i'm going to live with is named Pepe. I explained to my dad that there is also this other Italian guy named Pepe, who one of my friends is going to stay with. And here comes the gold, my dad simply replied: "If they are together can you then call them Pepperoni?" And it get's even better! "Or maybe even better, you could call them Pepsi!"

I have to admit that the Pepsi one made me smile...

Should have cooked it on aloha temperature.

EDIT: Thanks for the awards, y'all!

I'm glad it rained today so I don't need to water the lawn. Anyone else feel like pizza for dinner?

But to top it all off you also need pepperoni

She was lightly biting my finger after complaining she was hungry so I told her I wasn't a pizza. She replied: Are you sure because you're kinda cheesy..

My aunt told my dad she had hot pockets in her gloves to keep her hands warm. My dad wittily replied, "Ooh I love Hot Pockets! What flavor do you have, pepperoni or sausage??"

I was telling my Dad about a new hot dog stand in town and how they would put nacho cheese, pepperoni's, French's onion rings, etc. He said "I like tulips on mine." Confused I said "Tulips? What the hell?" and he pointed to his mouth and said "These two lips right here."

...feeling it my duty to chime in, I added "Choose pepperoni"

(ordering pizza)

Me "Half pepperoni, half cheese"

Her "What side do you want the pepperoni on?"

Me "...."

I was speechless! Usually I'm on my comeback game when dealing with my dad, but this was totally unexpected.

I work at a pizza shop and when orders are completed we yell the order so the customers can pick them up. An order came up with the name "Juan" so naturally I yelled out "I have Juan large pepperoni pizza for pick up. Any Juan here for that order?"