The pay per see.
Punchline
Heβs a pro-to-type.
...so thatβs just being hippocritical...
Soo they don't get two attached
are the pie rates of the Caribbean
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
Because she was a fast mother clucker!!
It's Rhode Island.
Tentacles
Had potential to misfire but worked perfectly.
Also, the other day my wife left a Monster energy drink under her bed, and we waited for her to come and ask "ok who put this monster under my bed?"
you are probably aiming too high.β
βIβm a Watt?β
No weight, that doesn't make any cents...
Because despite their houses' appearance, they don't have mush room
...I think I'm suffering from post-part-time depression.
Theyβre calling it coleslaw.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
(And yes, I really did, just to make this joke to him. The resulting groan was worth the ten-day setup :p)
and now it kinda hertz.
We only have 5 glasses in our house
I said "Hi Per, Hi Per!". Then he left.
Almost 10 years ago now when my daughterβs mom was pregnant with herβwaddling miserably towards the tail-end of her third trimester and about ready to popβshe looked forlornly at her figure in the mirror one day and announced, βOmigod Iβm as big as a house!β
And so I, the Rico Suave motherfucker that I am, popped my head up from the book I was reading on the bed and responded thusly without missing a beat:
βWell, baby girl, if youβre a house then youβre my dream home...β
I thought our relationship was my rock on which we would build one hundred stories, but there were termites in the foundation. Unfortunately she ultimately turned out to be a mobile home that couldnβt stay tethered to a single lot for more than a few years at a time as, a short time later, she up-and-skedaddled from our lives and has been a deadbeat mom to our little girl ever since. (My daughter and I built a beautiful, cozy little bungalow-for-two anyways.)
Anyway, does that qualify as a pun, or just an extended metaphor? If not, sorry, I just always thought that was a good line and I wanted to humble-brag a bit.
925 every day.
A bull-ette.
(A joke my son said, being posted by the dad.)
And then I said "Hertz, don't it?".
Manaheim
"The last mega bite I heard of was a sandwich shop."
Because when John Cena visits UK, EU can't see him.
Ba dum tss
So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.
Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o
It doesnβt show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o
Weather patterns donβt seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm
The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o
If you look at the label for pierogies, they instead show the price per ogie.
My kids keep listening to a song and apparently want me to make it a little quieter, or "turn down 4 watts"
I was attempting to explain the concept of dad jokes to my own father. He didn't get it. "So it's just people making fun of dads. I don't like it," he said, "how about we make fun of nerds?"
"Ok," I replied, "lay one on me."
"Alright. you're a nerd."
But it Hertz my eyes.
